“Gaslighting” is Merriam-Webster's choice for Word of the Year 2022:

“Gaslighting” is Merriam-Webster's choice for Word of the Year 2022:
 
Read the article:
 

Gaslighting: How to Recognize it and What to Say When it Happens

 
By Dr. Gabriela Sadurní Rodríguez
 

Gaslighting: How to Recognize it and What to Say When it Happens (thepsychologygroup.com)

Making the Bad Blood & Mall Maze trailer videos:

During the making of the video trailers for Bad Blood and Mall Maze, I got to make fake blood again.
Something I always loved to do during many Halloweens past.
Great fun.

There are various recipes for making fake blood, using water, flour, corn syrup, chocolate syrup, etc …
Through trial and error … a lot of trial and error … I eventually settled on clear liquid hand soap and food dye.
It’s easier and faster.
The soap already has a thick consistency, with an effect that mimics the slow flow, ooze and drip of real blood.

To make the fake blood, I filled a jar with soap, added red food dye, then green food dye to darken it.
Apply the green dye one drop at a time as you continue to mix.
If you add too much green, the solution turns brown and you have to dump it out and start over.
It’s that simple.
 
Choose the recipe that works best for you.
If you’re going to use my method – remember that it's soap.

Be cautious how you use it.
One advantage is that soap and food dye doesn’t permanently stain clothes.
I patch-tested a white washcloth and it cleaned no problem.
The disadvantage is that it’s SOAP.
Patch-test to make sure it doesn’t irritate your skin.
Get any in your eyes – it’ll sting.
Swallow any – it’ll make you sick.
Be mindful and careful.

Remember the pros and cons.

Pros ... it's soap.

Cons ... it's SOAP!
 
For the Bad Blood trailer, in reference to one of the key chapters in that novel, I repurposed the machete from my collection of gardening tools and two precision craft knives from my art tools I use for miniature model making.
In the future, I will be making videos using miniature models.
 
To make the fake blood flow down the blade, I used an applicator bottle with the narrow funnel.

You can control the flow better, with less mess and waste.

I draped one of my plain black T-shirts over the front of the sink.

The black fabric absorbs light and prevents reflection when filming metal surfaces.

My wife exclaimed: “What the …?!” when she walked into the bathroom and saw I’d used the fake blood to make a bloody handprint and put some nice smears around the inside of the tub.

Another advantage of using soap … it rinses away no problem.

For part of the Mall Maze trailer, again in reference to part of that novel, I filled my left driving glove with fake blood and let it ooze out through the seams for the effect of a wounded hand.

Using the same method of preventing reflection, with black curtains around the camera lens, I made another short film of the jar I’ll be using in a future video.

I'll be using the same blanketing method when filming and photographing a glass tank, for mixing inks and paints in water.

Below are the trailers for Bad Blood and Mall Maze:

Finally, here’s my assistant, Bodhi, our crazy Ragdoll cat:

Lethal Charm - background on the writing of The Breaker:

 

The Breaker: Lethal Charm

People reveal themselves.

Sooner or later, they drop their masks.

Their words, particularly if they are a pathological liar, mean nothing.

Their actions – or lack thereof – reveal who and what they really are.

Ignore their insincere apologies and empty promises.

Instead, observe the pattern of their behavior.

Don’t listen to what they say … watch what they do.

 

The Breaker is the first in a series of Neo-Noir thrillers.

Narcissistic Abuse is a recurring theme of the book series.

Through this story, and the first-person viewpoint of the main character, Seth Egan, I have fictionalized and relayed some experiences from my own life.

There’s no better source of inspiration for fiction than real life.

 

Seth’s personal drama puts this question to the reader:

How do you know the one you love won’t hurt you?

Or even try to kill you?

In many cases … you don’t.

Sometimes, our enemies are those closest to us.

Three Steps Through Hell

In The Breaker, Seth becomes romantically involved with Penny.

They eventually get married and everything seems fine at first.

 

Sound familiar?

 

But, as in real-life, a relationship with a malignant narcissist will go through three distinct stages:

 

Idealization, Devaluation and Discard.

Idealization:

This is the dating or honeymoon phase.

Be prepared to be romanced.

Hear everything you ever wanted to hear.

Be promised the world and a rosy future.

This part of the process is called: Future Faking.

You will believe all your dreams have come true and you met your soul-mate … because that’s exactly what they want you to believe.

You are being lied to and manipulated.

 

Devaluation:

When they have you right where they want you, their claws are sunk in, they drop the act and the mask of charm they were hiding behind during the love bombing Idealization phase.

By now, the narcissist is already bored with you.

There’s no thrill of the chase element left in the relationship.

Narcissists get bored very quickly.

They need a thrill-a-minute life, and you are no longer it.

This is where they get a new source of narcissistic supply, a secret lover, they are grooming to be your replacement.

During this stage, the narcissist is hitting you with endless criticisms, complaints, and insults.

You will find that nothing you say or do is ever right or good enough to please them.

You are being lied to and manipulated.

 

Discard:

The end has come.

The narcissist replaces you and your replacement may or may not know you exist.

You are kicked to the curb.

Dumped.

Divorced.

Left mentally, physically, spiritually, and financially drained and broken.

To make matters worse, you will be blamed for it all.

You were lied to and manipulated.

 

Seth eventually learns that Penny is capable of anything.

 

Like Penny, the woman I was in a relationship with, ran her family and social circle like a cult, as the self-appointed matriarch.

 

In time, she revealed herself as a pathological liar; only happy when others were hurting and fighting, a trouble-maker who instigated drama and feuds.

 

Her priorities were herself, money, and status, as she sought dominance, power, and control over those around her.

 

As time went by, her behavior, to put it mildly, turned bizarre, impulsive, mercurial, and volatile.

 

When things inevitably went bad between us, she recruited her relatives and close friends, and made me the focus of a smear campaign.

I experienced first-hand what it felt like to be on the receiving end of narcissistic abuse, forced to deal with flying monkeys and enablers.

Some were duped and ignorant, unable to see her for who and what she really was, and the vicious game she played; others were in on it.

It was hell.

Enablers & Flying Monkeys

When narcissistic groups band together to victimize, provoke and attack a scapegoated target, as part of their smear campaign, the intended target is lured to a suitable place where they are outnumbered and mobbed.

These incidents are premeditated and carefully planned far in advance.

 

In The Breaker, Penny recruits her four brothers as flying monkeys against Seth.

Whenever Seth visits their homes, he finds himself the target of microaggression; insults disguised as jokes, provocations, taunts, in a series of staged, sadistic mind games.

Seth eventually realizes he is being set-up.

The abuse gets worse, more intense over time, feeling like death by a thousand cuts.

Seth uses the defensive gray rock technique.

Reminds himself: do not engage, until he can leave and go no contact.

He keeps a journal and documents the abuse.

 

 

I have no time or tolerance for anyone who willingly assists a narcissist.

 

Anyone who watches and assists as someone is being insulted, taunted, and hurt, in any way, are as sadistic as the narcissist leading the pack.

They may not say anything, but their silence makes them complicit.

Silence tells the narcissist they have won, they can get away with anything, and the enablers will protect them.

Be mindful of anyone who denies what happened, even though they witnessed it.

 

They talk it down, and claim the narcissist didn’t mean it, that it was all just a joke.

Are obtuse when asked, and play dumb.

Minimize your pain.

Tell you it’s your fault for being too sensitive.

Make excuses and lie for the narcissist.

Say you imagined it, or it wasn’t as bad as you think.

This is gaslighting: an attempt to make you doubt your reality.

 

 

Enablers and flying monkeys have skin in the game.

They know what’s happening.

They are adults that know better.

They have no excuse.

They know right from wrong.

They just don’t care.

So long as someone else is the narcissist’s target, and not them, they are happy to go along.

They won’t speak up to defend you because they don’t want the narcissist to turn on them.

They are cowards, weak, cowed, submissive and subservient … siding with the bully, so they won’t become the bully’s next target.

They don’t want to be in the firing line of all that spite and rage.

So … they go along with the abuse.

Look away.

Stare intently at the TV, computer, or phone screen.

Ignore the abuse.

Pretend it’s not happening.

Or … even worse … join in.

Laugh at your expense.

You might even catch them exchanging a sly smirk with the narcissist in charge.

This is more concentrated in environments and social settings like work-place cliques, or dysfunctional family units that operate like a cult.

Or any environment where groups target a scapegoat for persecution.

The crowd engage in mobbing, group-think, and bandwagon behavior.

 

 

The enablers and flying monkeys are just as bad, just as evil, and just as guilty as the narcissist.

 

The reason:

The narcissist wouldn’t get away with it if they didn’t have their entourage to support, shield and help.

Lying on their behalf, giving them a pass, and an alibi.

 

If the situation was the other way around, and it was the enabler/flying monkey on the receiving end of the narcissist’s petulant mind games and rage … they wouldn’t like it.

They wouldn’t find it smart or funny if it was done to them.

 

Often, all it takes to be targeted for abuse … is to be different, to stand by your individuality, and refuse to be manipulated.

In The Breaker, Seth comes to the conclusion that he is hated by Penny and her family for the same reason, because he saw through their act, and saw them for who and what they really were.

 

 

It’s fine to be yourself.

You don’t need anyone else’s approval or permission.

Be different.

Be an individual.

Be original.

Also, be prepared:

Your individuality will spark jealousy and resentment with narcissists because, for the most part, they are all the same.

Many of them are fake and, although they’ll never admit it, deep down … they know it.

 

Enablers and flying monkeys also serve as a buffer.

By acting on the narcissist’s behalf, abusing a target at the narcissist’s behest, the narcissist in charge can then stand back and observe from a safe distance.

If the situation goes bad, the narcissist will then throw the enabler/flying monkey under the bus and claim to be innocent, saying something like:

“It wasn’t me that did/said it – it was him/her.”

 

As Seth points out to Penny and her brother:

 

If you see what the malignant narcissist is doing and you say and do nothing to stop it … you are an enabler.

If you are in on it, doing the narcissist’s bidding, taking an active part in a smear campaign, provoking and attacking the victim … you are a flying monkey.

Are you proud of yourself?

Do you have the character to apologize to the victim, stand up to the narcissist, and change your behavior?

You’re an adult – you know what you’re doing!

 

Don’t be fooled by an enabler / flying monkey, no matter who they are.

If they lie to you, belittle you, act on behalf of the narcissist, they are toxic.

They can’t be trusted.

 

 

Red Flags & Warning Signs

 

There are tell-tale behaviors someone you know may be narcissistic:

 

They …

 

Criticize anything / everything about you.

Nothing you do is enough, right, or good enough.

 

Mock, humiliate, ridicule, insult, or provoke you in public.

 

Play the victim to get attention, sympathy, and manipulate others.

 

Destroy your confidence / self-esteem.

 

Rule and control every aspect of your life.

 

Monopolize your time.

 

Dominate conversations.

Interrupt you when you are part-way through a sentence.

Change the subject so the focus is back on them because they have to be the center of attention.

Grandstand to the migraine-inducing point where it feels like they are sucking the oxygen out of the room.

 

Lay down the law.

It’s their way – or the highway.

 

Are needy, insecure, jealous, and possessive.

 

Constantly demand excessive attention, praise, validation, affirmation, encouragement.

 

Are unreliable.

 

Say one thing but do something completely different.

 

Cancel plans at the last minute.

 

Are always competing, with everyone.

 

Always pick fights, with someone – anyone – for whatever reason.

 

Gaslight or attack you if you dare to call them out on their bad behavior.

 

Play mind games.

 

Cheat on you.

 

Drain you physically, emotionally, financially, and spiritually.

 

Never accept responsibility.

 

Never admit they are wrong.

 

Never apologize.

 

Always project the blame onto you.

 

Use stonewalling, circular conversations, or the silent treatment, to shut you down and/or punish you.

 

Promise they’ll change … but never do.

 

You …

 

Sacrifice everything to please and appease them, but they’re still never satisfied or happy.

 

Can’t relax.

 

Feel you have to do everything.

 

Walk on egg shells to keep the peace.

 

Feel threatened.

 

Worry about your future.

Realist vs. Idealist

It’s one thing to be optimistic about the world and people, but it’s prudent to also be a mindful and cautious realist.

 

Being idealistic to the point where you are Pollyannaish, gullible, and naïve will make you easy prey.

 

The effects on survivors can be debilitating, adversely affecting them for the rest of their lives.

 

Some, unable to cope with their anxiety, or the effects of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD), may turn to alcohol and substance abuse as a way of coping and numbing the pain.

 

We can’t tell just by looking at someone if they have an ulterior motive, with a selfish and dangerous intent.

 

But we can learn the red flags, the warning signs, someone could be a potential threat to us.

 

Knowing what to look for can save you years, maybe a lifetime, of pain and regret.

 

I know from experience.

It happened to me, too.

My books are my way of shining light on the problem of narcissism, pathological selfishness, and those who enable it.

 

 

If you are going through a controlling, abusive relationship, I empathize with you.

 

Be assured: there is help, life, hope, and freedom, beyond what you are going through.

 

Learn the red flags of relationships.

 

Observe their behavior.

 

Be vigilant.

 

Be mindful.

 

Be smart.

 

Narcissists don’t see the world as we do.

They don’t think, feel, or react, as we do.

They have no empathy or conscience.

Your pain means nothing to them.

They interpret your generosity, good nature, and pain as weakness and stupidity, flaws they will attempt to exploit.

They lie, to get their own way and take everything.

 

 

If it’s a romantic relationship, you will have to accept and come to terms with the cold, hard fact that the person you believed they were – never existed.

It was all a well-rehearsed act.

A lie.

A mask.

 

You can’t win.

They won’t listen.

They won’t change.

 

It’s not your fault.

 

Behind the mask, they are:

 

pathological liars

cunning

devious

treacherous

deceitful

jealous

petulant

spiteful

callous

malicious

sadistic

 

They believe they are somehow special and no one has any right to deny them what they want, or call them out on what they do.

 

Say no to a narcissist, deny them what they demand, refuse to go along, and you can expect rage.

A rant.

Tantrums.

A verbal tirade, peppered with foul language, lies and insults.

Emotional, verbal, and even physical violence.

To be made the subject of a smear campaign.

Have enablers and flying monkeys attempting to hoover you back into the madness.

 

In the end … they will turn on you.

What they did to you, they did to the one before you.

They will do it to the one after you.

 

It is a beautiful world and there are many good people.

 

But evil people are out there, too.

 

They hide behind a lethal mask of charm.

 

I learned the best solution to those who are toxic and have a personality disorder: just get out, walk away, and leave them behind.

Leave them, to themselves, to their misery, in the hell of their own making.

 

In The Breaker series, Seth eventually leaves Penny, moves on, recovers, and rebuilds his life.

 

I did.

You will, too.

 

The narcissist has no right to disrespect and treat you badly.

 

You don’t have to tolerate it.

 

Find the knowledge and wisdom, passion and strength, to rebuild yourself.

 

Make your life exceptional.

 

Free yourself from anyone who hurt you.

 

You survived and you will thrive.

 

You are not alone.

 

Stay strong and never give up.

 

In support of Narcissistic Abuse awareness and recovery:

 

June 1st is World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day (WNAAD).

 

Recommended sites for research and recovery:

 

http://www.wnaad.com/

http://flyingmonkeysdenied.com/

http://www.innerintegration.com/

http://www.drgeorgesimon.com/

https://kimsaeed.com/

https://www.psychopathfree.com/

https://eclecticalu.blogspot.com/

http://www.doctor-ramani.com/e

https://micheleleenieves.com/

https://www.thriveafterabuse.com/

https://www.tamiemcoaching.com/

https://addictionrehabtreatment.com/mentalhealth/anxiety/signs-and-symptoms-of-anxiety/

 

 

#AbuseByProxy #Adultery #AgainstBullying #BackStabbers #ClusterB #CPTSD #DomesticViolence #Enablers #FlirtingIsCheating #FlyingMonkeys #Gaslighting #HealingFromCPTSD #IAmEnough #IAmStillStanding #IfMyWoundsWereVisible #Infidelity #MicroAggression #NarcissisticAbuse #Narcissism #Narcissist #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #NarcissisticSupply #Psychopath #PsychopathFree #SmearCampaign #Sociopath #ThrivingAfterNarcissisticAbuse #TwoFaced #WNAAD

#Depression #Anxiety #Lonely #Relationship #NeedToTalk #Counseling #MentalHealth #Advocacy #Therapy #SelfImprovement #SelfEsteem #Motivation #Empowerment #Inspiration #Incentive #Hope #Help #SelfCare #SelfHelp #Equality #Diversity #Equity #Inclusion #PeaceOfMind #Community

Man … or wolf … or both? – background on the writing of Slipped Masks:

Slipped Masks - Man … or wolf … or both?

When readers ask me how I settled on the plot of my novel, Slipped Masks, the last part of the 1916 poem, The Road Not Taken, by Robert Frost, comes to mind:

 

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

 

In the first draft of Slipped Masks, I told the story from the point of view of a detective, hired by the family of one of his victims. The detective chased the murderer, found the dead bodies, and theorized over what happened and the killer’s motives.

 

I completed an outline and hit a block before I even began to write the first draft.

 

The problem was telling the story this way felt like the road often traveled in this genre: a killer pursued, tracked, eventually captured, his motives revealed.

 

This earlier version also lacked a presentation of everything pathologically wrong with the killer. I wanted to go to a deeper, darker level than just the discovery of his crimes.

 

I wanted to get into the killer’s mind and have him narrate his own story to the reader, through the eyes of a man who truly believed he could shapeshift.

 

Writing the story from this perspective was the road less traveled by.

 

So, I started over. Scrapped the idea of the pursuing detective, and told the story from Casey Byrne’s first-person standpoint.

 

The two main themes of Slipped Masks are Clinical Lycanthropy and Malignant Narcissism.

 

Clinical Lycanthropy … all in the mind?

Clinical Lycanthropy is the rare but real delusion that a human can shapeshift into a wolf.

 

This presents the reader with two questions:

 

1. If you were insane … would you know it?

 

2. How would you see the world if you were convinced you could transform into a wolf?

 

 

The origins can be found in folklore, mythology, and superstition, with numerous books and movies on the subject.

 

The condition is now recognized as a form of psychosis, a manifestation of schizophrenia, among other psychological disorders, where the fractured mind and psyche can’t differentiate between reality and hallucination.

 

 

A human can’t transform into an animal.

We know it’s impossible.

It’s pure fiction.

Unreal.

 

However, for those afflicted with Clinical Lycanthropy it is very real.

 

Pause and consider …

 

As you read this, you are most likely sitting in a room.

Take a moment to look away from this page.

Look around your room.

You are aware of your surroundings.

Temperature.

Light from either a window, or bulb.

Time of day (or night).

If you are sitting, you will be aware of the seat cushion beneath you, behind your back, and your arm on the rest.

Sensation of the clothes you wear.

Scents.

Sounds.

Each breath you take.

Your sense of self.

Voice of your inner thoughts.

You are fully aware of the world around you and each passing moment.

 

This is your reality.

 

How confident are you that everything you see, hear, and feel … is real?

 

 

Now consider those afflicted with Clinical Lycanthropy.

 

Sufferers of this pathological syndrome describe the sensation of their muscles, tissues and bones reshaping. Reconfiguring. The process being intensely painful. Agonizing. Fur sprouting on their bodies, then shedding as they transform back to human form.

 

They have also described enhanced, super-human abilities:

 

Hearing and sight.

Night vision.

Thermal vision.

Speed and strength.

Ability to scale walls and defy gravity.

Fast-healing wounds.

Immortality.

 

They feel, sense, see, all of it.

 

This is their reality.

 

 

In other cases, sufferers reported shape-shifting into different animals or birds.

 

To some, it’s a way of hiding from the world.

A different species.

A different form.

A disguise.

A mask.

 

Casey Byrne, as volatile, formidable, sadistic, and lethal as he is, also uses physical and psychological masks.

His deep-rooted inadequacy leads to frustration at the world around him.

He is preoccupied with fantasies of stardom, wealth, power, and fame.

Unable to comprehend that other people have wants and needs of their own.

His narcissistic rage is triggered when others won’t go along and be subservient to his every whim.

When Byrne doesn’t get his own way, he violently lashes out.

He is selfish, petulant, and infantile.

His sense of entitlement is so strong that when others won’t give – he takes, often by force.

 

When Casey Byrne, in his twisted mind, transforms into a wolf, the world becomes his hunting ground. People his prey. The wolf is all-powerful, immortal, and indestructible.

The killer behind the mask of charm

 

Slipped Masks was inspired by several true cases.

 

Casey Byrne, like the real-life individuals I researched, is a dangerous narcissistic sociopath.

 

Narcissist:

a person who is selfish on a pathological level.

Thinks everything revolves around them and only cares about themselves and what they can take.

 

Sociopath:

a person with a destructive and dangerous personality disorder.

Has no empathy, conscience, or sense of guilt.

 

The terrifying reality is that killers look like everyone else.

Slipped Masks is about how the need for love and companionship became twisted into obsession, possession, jealousy, violence and murder.

Casey Byrne, like many real-life predators, can be charming and attractive.

Intelligent and engaging.

He weaponizes these attributes and uses them to lure and ensnare victims.

Byrne is one of the great pretenders that walk undetected among us.

Behind the mask, he is manipulative, controlling, possessive, petulant, jealous, spiteful and vicious, with no regard for other people’s boundaries or the law.

A killer with no conscience.

He only cares about what he wants – in the moment.

He doesn’t care who he has to hurt or kill to get it.

When his relationships go wrong, he blames his victims and takes no accountability for his own actions, selfishness, cruelty, and crimes.

 

Sound familiar?

 

 

Motive … or the lack of.

People kill for different reasons.

 

Money.

Hate.

Jealousy.

If they are psychotic, they may be triggered, or live in a twisted fantasy world

 

 

News reports, crime documentaries, and non-fiction books, remind us of how some people are capable of committing horrific crimes.

 

Not all toxic people go as far as murder, but they are dangerous and destructive.

 

They are self-absorbed, driven by jealousy, malice, greed, and rage, capable of destroying lives and leaving their victims financially, psychologically, and spiritually broken.

 

In the aftermath, survivors may experience the debilitating effects of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD).

 

Knowledge enables you to spot the traits and tell-tale signs that you are in the presence of a narcissistic sociopath. Many survivors, reflecting on what they went through, come to the conclusion:

 

If I had known then what I know now, I would have had nothing to do with him/her!

 

When that superficial mask of charm slips … watch out!

 

If you are caught in a controlling, abusive relationship, and you recognize the signs of deceit, cheating, mind games, and gaslighting … get out!

 

Help, advice, and a path to recovery and healing are available.

 

You are not alone.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In support of Narcissistic Abuse awareness and recovery:

 

June 1st is World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day (WNAAD).

 

Recommended websites for research and recovery:

 

http://www.wnaad.com/

http://flyingmonkeysdenied.com/

http://www.innerintegration.com/

http://www.drgeorgesimon.com/

https://kimsaeed.com/

https://www.psychopathfree.com/

https://eclecticalu.blogspot.com/

http://www.doctor-ramani.com/e

https://micheleleenieves.com/

https://www.thriveafterabuse.com/

https://www.tamiemcoaching.com/

https://addictionrehabtreatment.com/mentalhealth/anxiety/signs-and-symptoms-of-anxiety/

Twitter hashtags:

 

#AbuseByProxy #Adultery #AgainstBullying #BackStabbers #ClusterB #CPTSD #DomesticViolence #Enablers #FlirtingIsCheating #FlyingMonkeys #Gaslighting #HealingFromCPTSD #IAmEnough #IAmStillStanding #IfMyWoundsWereVisible #Infidelity #MicroAggression #NarcissisticAbuse #Narcissism #Narcissist #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #NarcissisticSupply #Psychopath #PsychopathFree #SmearCampaign #Sociopath #ThrivingAfterNarcissisticAbuse #TwoFaced #WNAAD

 

#Depression #Anxiety #Lonely #Relationship #NeedToTalk #Counseling #MentalHealth #Advocacy #Therapy #SelfImprovement #SelfEsteem #Motivation #Empowerment #Inspiration #Incentive #Hope #Help #SelfCare #SelfHelp #Equality #Diversity #Equity #Inclusion #PeaceOfMind #Community