The Slot Machine Syndrome:
There’s a syndrome that can develop
in abusive, manipulative relationships that prompts a victim to stay even when
they've often thought about leaving. I call it the Slot Machine Syndrome.
Anyone who's played one of those "one-armed bandits" knows that it's
difficult to stop pulling the lever even when you're losing pretty badly. There
are primarily four reasons why a person can get trapped in this syndrome.
First, there's the appeal of the "jackpot." People often jump at the
chance to get a lot of something that's very valuable to them for what
initially appears a relatively small investment. Second, whether or not you
will get anything for your efforts depends only on the degree to which you are
willing to "respond" (behaviorists call this a ratio schedule of
reinforcement). With a slot machine, you have to do a lot of
"responding" (investing) to even have a chance at winning. Third,
every now and then, a "cherry" (or some similar small jackpot)
appears and you "win" a little something. This reinforces the idea
that your investment is not for naught and that "winning" a larger
payoff is really possible if you just keep investing. Fourth, after you've been
worn down by the machine's "abuse" and are tempted to walk away,
you're faced with a most difficult dilemma. If you leave, you leave behind a
substantial investment. You not only have to walk away from your
"abuser," but from a huge chunk of yourself. To disengage with
nothing to show for your time and energy but a broken spirit is hard to do.
You're tempted to delude yourself by saying: "If I just put in one more
quarter..."
Dr. George Simon is the author of:
In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding
and Dealing with Manipulative People.
&
Character Disturbance: The
Phenomenon of Our Age.
In
support of Narcissistic Abuse awareness and recovery:
June
1st is World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness
Day (WNAAD).
Recommended
websites for research and recovery:
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