Saturday, June 1, 2024
What’s a Narcissist’s Punishment?
The Covert Narcissist:
Most of us know what a narcissist looks like. We have seen them portrayed in movies and books as the manipulative, attractive man or woman who think and act like they are better than others. But not all narcissists are like this.
Covert narcissists are dangerous people who know how to hide their narcissistic traits in public and raise hell by controlling and manipulating your life in private.
“Covert narcissists are masters of disguise—successful actors, humanitarians, politicians, clergy members, and even psychotherapists—who are beloved and appreciated, but are secretly selfish, calculating, controlling, angry, and vindictive.”
No one would believe that the man who sits in church with his family every Sunday, is a monster behind closed doors with the family that looks so perfect on the outside.
No one would believe that the ‘doting’ mother cheering on her child in the school gala, had been yelling and belittling her daughter minutes beforehand.
Who would believe that the friendly local grocer who chats happily with his customers has been giving his wife the silent treatment and not acknowledged her existence in weeks?
Who would believe that the lovely charming ‘lady’ at the top of her profession, trampled on anyone who stood in her way on her rise to the top.
The closet narcissist is a great pretender, hiding who they really are with the expertise.
The covert narcissist puts on such a convincing display of being a loving, kind person in public but to those who know them personally, to those closest to them, they are selfish, manipulative, exploitive and anything but the loving and kind person that they purport to be. They know that if they displayed their true colors in public, they would lose the recognition, respect, and admiration that they so desperately crave. Perhaps their ability to fool the outside world makes this type of personality one of the most dangerous. They worry about being found out. They are deeply envious knowing that they can never be the person that others believe them to be.
The covert narcissist is a con artist who lacks the confidence of the overt narcissist. They need constant attention moving from one relationship to another in order to avoid being alone. Time spent alone often leads to depression when their needs are not being met. Narcissistic supply is vital to their well-being.
Your value in the narcissist’s life will depend on your usefulness. When you are no longer regarded as useful or you challenge them about who they really are, you will be cast aside without a second thought as if you never existed. Your reputation will have been discredited so that you will never be believed.
Scott Barry Kaufman (Psychologist) explains…
“While the overt narcissists tended to be aggressive, self-aggrandizing, exploitative, and have extreme delusions of grandeur and a need for attention, covert narcissists were more prone to feelings of neglect or belittlement, hypersensitivity, anxiety, and delusions of persecution.”
The traits of the overt narcissist can be obvious often being displayed quite openly but in contrast, the traits of the covert narcissist can be very difficult to spot. Below are some signs that you may be dealing with a covert narcissist…
1. Always plays the victim wanting your sympathy
2. Quiet Smugness/Superiority
3. Self-absorbed
4. Extreme selfishness
5. Constant craving for acknowledgment
6. Passive-aggressive
7. Judgemental and critical
8. Lacks empathy
9. Highly sensitive being unable to handle criticism
10. Difficulties with relationships
11. Gets bored easily
12. Switches off rather than listen intently to others
It can be difficult not to get sucked into a narcissist’s web of deceit and feel sorry for them when they play the victim card. The narcissist is looking for a reaction from you. Don’t feed the monster! When they fail to get their desired reaction from you, they will take a step back and look for their supply elsewhere. Be aware of the traits before it’s too late and don’t let yourself be controlled by someone whose ultimate goal is to control not only your mind but your life.
“Covert Narcissists, like professional actors, are talented at pretending to be someone they are not. If people could see behind their charming and likable “masks” they wouldn’t be able to steal, exploit and manipulate their unsuspecting victims.”
Getting yourself free from the evil clutches of the covert narcissist can be very difficult as it will take you a lot of time to realize what they truly are: monsters in disguise. They will drain you emotionally, mentally and physically and they will not let you even after they find a new target.
They may seem to support and help you, but they are only tricking you into believing that they want the best for you. When in reality all they want is to control you and your life, until and unless you walk away.
In support of Narcissistic Abuse awareness and recovery:
June 1st is World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day (WNAAD).
Recommended websites for research and recovery:
http://www.wnaad.com/
http://flyingmonkeysdenied.com/
http://www.innerintegration.com/
http://www.drgeorgesimon.com/
https://kimsaeed.com/
https://www.psychopathfree.com/
https://eclecticalu.blogspot.com/
http://www.doctor-ramani.com/
https://micheleleenieves.com/
https://www.thriveafterabuse.com/
Twitter hashtags:
#AbuseByProxy #Adultery #AgainstBullying #BackStabbers #ClusterB #CPTSD #Enablers #FlirtingIsCheating #FlyingMonkeys #Gaslighting #HealingFromCPTSD #IAmEnough #IAmStillStanding #IfMyWoundsWereVisible #Infidelity #MicroAggression #NarcissisticAbuse #Narcissism #Narcissist #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #NarcissisticSupply #Psychopath #PsychopathFree #SmearCampaign #Sociopath #ThrivingAfterNarcissisticAbuse #TwoFaced #WNAAD
Tuesday, September 6, 2022
Man … or wolf … or both? – background on the writing of Slipped Masks:
When
readers ask me how I settled on the plot of my novel, Slipped Masks, the
last part of the 1916 poem, The Road Not Taken, by Robert Frost, comes
to mind:
Two
roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I
took the one less traveled by,
And
that has made all the difference.
In
the first draft of Slipped Masks, I told the story from the point of
view of a detective, hired by the family of one of his victims. The detective chased
the murderer, found the dead bodies, and theorized over what happened and the
killer’s motives.
I
completed an outline and hit a block before I even began to write the first
draft.
The
problem was telling the story this way felt like the road often traveled
in this genre: a killer pursued, tracked, eventually captured, his motives
revealed.
This
earlier version also lacked a presentation of everything pathologically wrong
with the killer. I wanted to go to a deeper, darker level than just the
discovery of his crimes.
I
wanted to get into the killer’s mind and have him narrate his own story to the
reader, through the eyes of a man who truly believed he could shapeshift.
Writing
the story from this perspective was the road less traveled by.
So,
I started over. Scrapped the idea of the pursuing detective, and told the story
from Casey Byrne’s first-person standpoint.
The
two main themes of Slipped Masks are Clinical Lycanthropy and Malignant
Narcissism.
Clinical Lycanthropy is the rare but real
delusion that a human can shapeshift into a wolf.
This
presents the reader with two questions:
1.
If you were insane … would you know it?
2.
How would you see the world if you were convinced you could transform into a
wolf?
The origins can be found in folklore, mythology, and
superstition, with numerous books and movies on the subject.
The condition is now recognized as a form of
psychosis, a manifestation of schizophrenia, among other psychological
disorders, where the fractured mind and psyche can’t differentiate between
reality and hallucination.
A human can’t transform into an animal.
We
know it’s impossible.
It’s
pure fiction.
Unreal.
However,
for those afflicted with Clinical Lycanthropy it is very real.
Pause
and consider …
As
you read this, you are most likely sitting in a room.
Take
a moment to look away from this page.
Look
around your room.
You
are aware of your surroundings.
Temperature.
Light
from either a window, or bulb.
Time
of day (or night).
If you are sitting, you
will be aware of the seat cushion beneath you, behind your back, and your arm
on the rest.
Sensation of the
clothes you wear.
Scents.
Sounds.
Each breath you take.
Your sense of self.
Voice of your inner
thoughts.
You are fully aware of
the world around you and each passing moment.
This is your reality.
How confident are you
that everything you see, hear, and feel … is real?
Now consider those
afflicted with Clinical Lycanthropy.
Sufferers
of this pathological syndrome describe the sensation of their muscles, tissues
and bones reshaping. Reconfiguring. The process being intensely painful.
Agonizing. Fur sprouting on their bodies, then shedding as they transform back
to human form.
They have also described
enhanced, super-human abilities:
Hearing and sight.
Night vision.
Thermal vision.
Speed and strength.
Ability to scale walls
and defy gravity.
Fast-healing wounds.
Immortality.
They feel, sense, see,
all of it.
This is their reality.
In other cases,
sufferers reported shape-shifting into different animals or birds.
To some, it’s a way of hiding
from the world.
A different species.
A different form.
A disguise.
A mask.
Casey Byrne, as
volatile, formidable, sadistic, and lethal as he is, also uses physical and
psychological masks.
His deep-rooted inadequacy
leads to frustration at the world around him.
He is preoccupied with
fantasies of stardom, wealth, power, and fame.
Unable to comprehend
that other people have wants and needs of their own.
His narcissistic rage
is triggered when others won’t go along and be subservient to his every whim.
When Byrne doesn’t get
his own way, he violently lashes out.
He is selfish, petulant,
and infantile.
His sense of
entitlement is so strong that when others won’t give – he takes, often by
force.
When Casey Byrne, in
his twisted mind, transforms into a wolf, the world becomes his hunting ground.
People his prey. The wolf is all-powerful, immortal, and indestructible.
Slipped Masks was inspired by
several true cases.
Casey Byrne, like the
real-life individuals I researched, is a dangerous narcissistic sociopath.
Narcissist:
a person who is selfish
on a pathological level.
Thinks everything
revolves around them and only cares about themselves and what they can take.
Sociopath:
a person with a destructive
and dangerous personality disorder.
Has no empathy,
conscience, or sense of guilt.
The terrifying reality
is that killers look like everyone else.
Slipped Masks is about how the need
for love and companionship became twisted into obsession, possession, jealousy,
violence and murder.
Casey Byrne, like many
real-life predators, can be charming and attractive.
Intelligent and
engaging.
He weaponizes these
attributes and uses them to lure and ensnare victims.
Byrne is one of the great
pretenders that walk undetected among us.
Behind the mask, he is manipulative,
controlling, possessive, petulant, jealous, spiteful and vicious, with no
regard for other people’s boundaries or the law.
A killer with no
conscience.
He only cares about
what he wants – in the moment.
He doesn’t care who he
has to hurt or kill to get it.
When his relationships
go wrong, he blames his victims and takes no accountability for his own
actions, selfishness, cruelty, and crimes.
Sound familiar?
People kill for
different reasons.
Money.
Hate.
Jealousy.
If they are psychotic,
they may be triggered, or live in a twisted fantasy world
News reports, crime
documentaries, and non-fiction books, remind us of how some people are capable
of committing horrific crimes.
Not all toxic people go
as far as murder, but they are dangerous and destructive.
They are self-absorbed,
driven by jealousy, malice, greed, and rage, capable of destroying lives and
leaving their victims financially, psychologically, and spiritually broken.
In the aftermath,
survivors may experience the debilitating effects of Complex Post Traumatic
Stress Disorder (C-PTSD).
Knowledge enables you
to spot the traits and tell-tale signs that you are in the presence of a
narcissistic sociopath. Many survivors, reflecting on what they went through,
come to the conclusion:
If I had known then what
I know now, I would have had nothing to do with him/her!
When that superficial
mask of charm slips … watch out!
If you are caught in a
controlling, abusive relationship, and you recognize the signs of deceit,
cheating, mind games, and gaslighting … get out!
Help, advice, and a
path to recovery and healing are available.
You are not alone.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In support of
Narcissistic Abuse awareness and recovery:
June 1st is World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day
(WNAAD).
Recommended websites
for research and recovery:
http://flyingmonkeysdenied.com/
http://www.innerintegration.com/
https://www.psychopathfree.com/
https://eclecticalu.blogspot.com/
http://www.doctor-ramani.com/e
https://www.thriveafterabuse.com/
https://www.tamiemcoaching.com/
https://addictionrehabtreatment.com/mentalhealth/anxiety/signs-and-symptoms-of-anxiety/
Twitter hashtags:
#AbuseByProxy #Adultery
#AgainstBullying #BackStabbers #ClusterB #CPTSD #DomesticViolence #Enablers
#FlirtingIsCheating #FlyingMonkeys #Gaslighting #HealingFromCPTSD #IAmEnough
#IAmStillStanding #IfMyWoundsWereVisible #Infidelity #MicroAggression #NarcissisticAbuse #Narcissism #Narcissist
#NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #NarcissisticSupply #Psychopath
#PsychopathFree #SmearCampaign #Sociopath #ThrivingAfterNarcissisticAbuse
#TwoFaced #WNAAD
#Depression #Anxiety #Lonely #Relationship #NeedToTalk #Counseling #MentalHealth #Advocacy #Therapy #SelfImprovement #SelfEsteem #Motivation #Empowerment #Inspiration #Incentive #Hope #Help #SelfCare #SelfHelp #Equality #Diversity #Equity #Inclusion #PeaceOfMind #Community