Showing posts with label Personality Disorder. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Personality Disorder. Show all posts

Saturday, June 1, 2024

What’s a Narcissist’s Punishment?


By Darius Cikanavicius
Author, Certified Coach



How Abusers Get Away with Their Behavior

People with strong narcissistic, psychopathic, or sociopathic tendencies, abusers, manipulators, and otherwise harmful people tend to hurt others. Sometimes they do it overtly, even proudly, and in other cases it’s covert or maybe even unconscious. Sometimes it’s well planned and calculated, while other times it’s careless and reactionary.
Sometimes these people are identified and are forced to accept the consequences of their wrongdoings, while other times they get away with their behavior. And in certain social environments they, horrifyingly, are rewarded for their narcissistic and otherwise hurtful behavior.
It’s no surprise that people who like to abuse and manipulate others tend to look for positions of power. They seek careers as CEO’s, lawyers, politicians, police officers, celebrities, and so on. Some go into helping and teaching fields and work as doctors, therapists, priests, or teachers.
All of it serves two purposes. One, you have (legal) power over others. And two, you are perceived as respectable, educated, even caring, so you increase your chances of getting away with your bad behavior.
On top of that, people with malignant narcissistic tendencies can be really smart and cunning. They become experts at gaslighting, deception, and manipulation, so much so that they confuse others by their behavior but no one can quite put their finger on why. Many bystanders don’t even care about the truth. These kinds of people flourish in today’s outrage culture since many people are lightning quick to find a reason to feel angry and act out, and consequently they are easily controlled and manipulated by those seeking power over others.
As a result of all of those and other factors, hurtful people sometimes get away with their behavior with no negative consequences. Or do they?

What’s a Perpetrator’s Punishment?

While sometimes it is indeed true that there are no significant external consequences for a hurtful person’s actions, it’s not that simple either. There are always internal consequences for everything. And this is what matters the most.
Sadly, it’s true that sometimes our society tends to reward certain narcissistic behaviors and character traits: power, deception, aggressive behavior, possessions, and other status symbols. But if we understand that these things don’t bring us a true sense of happiness, then we don’t see them as huge rewards. In many cases, they can be seen as punishments more than rewards because the person valuing and receiving it is less likely to change and grow.
If status symbols were an accurate indicator of true happiness, then all these rich, famous, powerful people would be the happiest people in the world: CEOs, politicians, celebrities, famous Internet people, etc. But to anybody who understands anything about psychology it is quite clear that they are not happy people. Some of them even kill themselves because they would rather be dead than stay in their toxic social and internal environment, despite of all the money, power, fame, sex, and acclaim that they have accumulated.
Do you think people who beat, rape, shout at, con, and otherwise abuse others are happy people? Do you think you can abuse a child and still be a genuinely happy person? Do you think you can sexually and physically abuse someone and feel authentic happiness?
Do you think it really matters that some of them have money or a respectable job? Sure, money can provide a sense of safety, and having social power can indeed be useful. But ultimately, the price that they pay for it is an even bigger loss of self. This makes their feelings of misery and self-loathing even stronger. And it’s not like they wake up one day and change their mind and behavior. All the lies, deception, hiding, being abusive, creating stories and justifications, fighting with people—all of it continues to spread and pile up.
Eventually decent people don’t want to associate with them, but they are older and more miserable, so they start feeling more and more desperation. Some of them try to change their behavior out of fear of mortality or loneliness or need for narcissistic supply. Some try to guilt-trip or shame or bully others into giving them resources, but it becomes harder and harder.
You can’t concentrate on external things and status symbols and be happy. You can’t be happy and abusive at the same time. You can’t mistreat and manipulate others and be happy. That’s not what real happiness is about.
Real happiness comes from within, from a strong sense of self, from growing as a human being, from being a decent person. So, if your core self is rotten, if you are severely disconnected, if you are not growing, and if you are a hurtful person, it’s impossible to be genuinely happy. The best you can do is desperately manage your shaky and skewed false self.

So, what’s a malignant narcissist’s punishment?
It’s their existence. It’s their inner prison. It’s waking up every day into their life that—despite possessions, power, and status symbols that they may have—they hate deep down. And then one day they die, and it’s all over. That’s the sad reality of a wasted and miserable life. And that’s their natural punishment.



In support of Narcissistic Abuse awareness and recovery.

June 1st is World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day (WNAAD).

Recommended websites for research and recovery:










Twitter hashtags:

#AbuseByProxy #Adultery #AgainstBullying #BackStabbers #ClusterB #CPTSD #Enablers #FlirtingIsCheating #FlyingMonkeys #Gaslighting #HealingFromCPTSD #IAmEnough #IAmStillStanding #IfMyWoundsWereVisible #Infidelity #MicroAggression #NarcissisticAbuse #Narcissism #Narcissist #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #NarcissisticSupply #Psychopath #PsychopathFree #SmearCampaign #Sociopath #ThrivingAfterNarcissisticAbuse #TwoFaced #WNAAD

The Covert Narcissist:


By Anne McCrea
November 20, 2019
The Minds Journal

Most of us know what a narcissist looks like. We have seen them portrayed in movies and books as the manipulative, attractive man or woman who think and act like they are better than others. But not all narcissists are like this.

Covert narcissists are dangerous people who know how to hide their narcissistic traits in public and raise hell by controlling and manipulating your life in private.

“Covert narcissists are masters of disguise—successful actors, humanitarians, politicians, clergy members, and even psychotherapists—who are beloved and appreciated, but are secretly selfish, calculating, controlling, angry, and vindictive.”
– Ross Rosenberg.

No one would believe that the man who sits in church with his family every Sunday, is a monster behind closed doors with the family that looks so perfect on the outside.

No one would believe that the ‘doting’ mother cheering on her child in the school gala, had been yelling and belittling her daughter minutes beforehand.

Who would believe that the friendly local grocer who chats happily with his customers has been giving his wife the silent treatment and not acknowledged her existence in weeks?

Who would believe that the lovely charming ‘lady’ at the top of her profession, trampled on anyone who stood in her way on her rise to the top.

The closet narcissist is a great pretender, hiding who they really are with the expertise.

The covert narcissist puts on such a convincing display of being a loving, kind person in public but to those who know them personally, to those closest to them, they are selfish, manipulative, exploitive and anything but the loving and kind person that they purport to be. They know that if they displayed their true colors in public, they would lose the recognition, respect, and admiration that they so desperately crave. Perhaps their ability to fool the outside world makes this type of personality one of the most dangerous. They worry about being found out. They are deeply envious knowing that they can never be the person that others believe them to be.

The covert narcissist is a con artist who lacks the confidence of the overt narcissist. They need constant attention moving from one relationship to another in order to avoid being alone. Time spent alone often leads to depression when their needs are not being met. Narcissistic supply is vital to their well-being.

Your value in the narcissist’s life will depend on your usefulness. When you are no longer regarded as useful or you challenge them about who they really are, you will be cast aside without a second thought as if you never existed. Your reputation will have been discredited so that you will never be believed.

Scott Barry Kaufman (Psychologist) explains…

“While the overt narcissists tended to be aggressive, self-aggrandizing, exploitative, and have extreme delusions of grandeur and a need for attention, covert narcissists were more prone to feelings of neglect or belittlement, hypersensitivity, anxiety, and delusions of persecution.”

The traits of the overt narcissist can be obvious often being displayed quite openly but in contrast, the traits of the covert narcissist can be very difficult to spot. Below are some signs that you may be dealing with a covert narcissist…

1.     Always plays the victim wanting your sympathy

2.     Quiet Smugness/Superiority

3.     Self-absorbed

4.     Extreme selfishness

5.     Constant craving for acknowledgment

6.     Passive-aggressive

7.     Judgemental and critical

8.     Lacks empathy

9.     Highly sensitive being unable to handle criticism

10. Difficulties with relationships

11. Gets bored easily

12. Switches off rather than listen intently to others

It can be difficult not to get sucked into a narcissist’s web of deceit and feel sorry for them when they play the victim card. The narcissist is looking for a reaction from you. Don’t feed the monster! When they fail to get their desired reaction from you, they will take a step back and look for their supply elsewhere. Be aware of the traits before it’s too late and don’t let yourself be controlled by someone whose ultimate goal is to control not only your mind but your life.

“Covert Narcissists, like professional actors, are talented at pretending to be someone they are not. If people could see behind their charming and likable “masks” they wouldn’t be able to steal, exploit and manipulate their unsuspecting victims.”
– Ross Rosenberg.

Getting yourself free from the evil clutches of the covert narcissist can be very difficult as it will take you a lot of time to realize what they truly are: monsters in disguise. They will drain you emotionally, mentally and physically and they will not let you even after they find a new target.

They may seem to support and help you, but they are only tricking you into believing that they want the best for you. When in reality all they want is to control you and your life, until and unless you walk away.

From: Narcissistic & Emotional Abuse: Shattering the Illusion, by Anne McCrea.

Available on Amazon.



In support of Narcissistic Abuse awareness and recovery:

June 1st is World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day (WNAAD).

Recommended websites for research and recovery:

http://www.wnaad.com/

http://flyingmonkeysdenied.com/

http://www.innerintegration.com/

http://www.drgeorgesimon.com/

https://kimsaeed.com/

https://www.psychopathfree.com/

https://eclecticalu.blogspot.com/

http://www.doctor-ramani.com/

https://micheleleenieves.com/

https://www.thriveafterabuse.com/

Twitter hashtags:

#AbuseByProxy #Adultery #AgainstBullying #BackStabbers #ClusterB #CPTSD #Enablers #FlirtingIsCheating #FlyingMonkeys #Gaslighting #HealingFromCPTSD #IAmEnough #IAmStillStanding #IfMyWoundsWereVisible #Infidelity #MicroAggression #NarcissisticAbuse #Narcissism #Narcissist #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #NarcissisticSupply #Psychopath #PsychopathFree #SmearCampaign #Sociopath #ThrivingAfterNarcissisticAbuse #TwoFaced
 #WNAAD

Tuesday, September 6, 2022

Man … or wolf … or both? – background on the writing of Slipped Masks:



Slipped Masks - Man … or wolf … or both?


When readers ask me how I settled on the plot of my novel, Slipped Masks, the last part of the 1916 poem, The Road Not Taken, by Robert Frost, comes to mind:

 

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

 


In the first draft of Slipped Masks, I told the story from the point of view of a detective, hired by the family of one of his victims. The detective chased the murderer, found the dead bodies, and theorized over what happened and the killer’s motives.

 

I completed an outline and hit a block before I even began to write the first draft.

 

The problem was telling the story this way felt like the road often traveled in this genre: a killer pursued, tracked, eventually captured, his motives revealed.

 

This earlier version also lacked a presentation of everything pathologically wrong with the killer. I wanted to go to a deeper, darker level than just the discovery of his crimes.

 

I wanted to get into the killer’s mind and have him narrate his own story to the reader, through the eyes of a man who truly believed he could shapeshift.

 

Writing the story from this perspective was the road less traveled by.

 

So, I started over. Scrapped the idea of the pursuing detective, and told the story from Casey Byrne’s first-person standpoint.

 

The two main themes of Slipped Masks are Clinical Lycanthropy and Malignant Narcissism.

 



Clinical Lycanthropy … all in the mind?


Clinical Lycanthropy is the rare but real delusion that a human can shapeshift into a wolf.

 

This presents the reader with two questions:

 

1. If you were insane … would you know it?

 

2. How would you see the world if you were convinced you could transform into a wolf?

 

 

The origins can be found in folklore, mythology, and superstition, with numerous books and movies on the subject.

 

The condition is now recognized as a form of psychosis, a manifestation of schizophrenia, among other psychological disorders, where the fractured mind and psyche can’t differentiate between reality and hallucination.

 

 

A human can’t transform into an animal.

We know it’s impossible.

It’s pure fiction.

Unreal.

 

However, for those afflicted with Clinical Lycanthropy it is very real.

 

Pause and consider …

 

As you read this, you are most likely sitting in a room.

Take a moment to look away from this page.

Look around your room.

You are aware of your surroundings.

Temperature.

Light from either a window, or bulb.

Time of day (or night).

If you are sitting, you will be aware of the seat cushion beneath you, behind your back, and your arm on the rest.

Sensation of the clothes you wear.

Scents.

Sounds.

Each breath you take.

Your sense of self.

Voice of your inner thoughts.

You are fully aware of the world around you and each passing moment.

 

This is your reality.

 

How confident are you that everything you see, hear, and feel … is real?

 

 

Now consider those afflicted with Clinical Lycanthropy.

 

Sufferers of this pathological syndrome describe the sensation of their muscles, tissues and bones reshaping. Reconfiguring. The process being intensely painful. Agonizing. Fur sprouting on their bodies, then shedding as they transform back to human form.

 

They have also described enhanced, super-human abilities:

 

Hearing and sight.

Night vision.

Thermal vision.

Speed and strength.

Ability to scale walls and defy gravity.

Fast-healing wounds.

Immortality.

 

They feel, sense, see, all of it.

 

This is their reality.

 

 

In other cases, sufferers reported shape-shifting into different animals or birds.

 

To some, it’s a way of hiding from the world.

A different species.

A different form.

A disguise.

A mask.


 

Casey Byrne, as volatile, formidable, sadistic, and lethal as he is, also uses physical and psychological masks.

His deep-rooted inadequacy leads to frustration at the world around him.

He is preoccupied with fantasies of stardom, wealth, power, and fame.

Unable to comprehend that other people have wants and needs of their own.

His narcissistic rage is triggered when others won’t go along and be subservient to his every whim.

When Byrne doesn’t get his own way, he violently lashes out.

He is selfish, petulant, and infantile.

His sense of entitlement is so strong that when others won’t give – he takes, often by force.

 

When Casey Byrne, in his twisted mind, transforms into a wolf, the world becomes his hunting ground. People his prey. The wolf is all-powerful, immortal, and indestructible.



The killer behind the mask of charm

 


Slipped Masks was inspired by several true cases.

 

Casey Byrne, like the real-life individuals I researched, is a dangerous narcissistic sociopath.

 

Narcissist:

a person who is selfish on a pathological level.

Thinks everything revolves around them and only cares about themselves and what they can take.

 

Sociopath:

a person with a destructive and dangerous personality disorder.

Has no empathy, conscience, or sense of guilt.

 

The terrifying reality is that killers look like everyone else.

Slipped Masks is about how the need for love and companionship became twisted into obsession, possession, jealousy, violence and murder.

Casey Byrne, like many real-life predators, can be charming and attractive.

Intelligent and engaging.

He weaponizes these attributes and uses them to lure and ensnare victims.

Byrne is one of the great pretenders that walk undetected among us.

Behind the mask, he is manipulative, controlling, possessive, petulant, jealous, spiteful and vicious, with no regard for other people’s boundaries or the law.

A killer with no conscience.

He only cares about what he wants – in the moment.

He doesn’t care who he has to hurt or kill to get it.

When his relationships go wrong, he blames his victims and takes no accountability for his own actions, selfishness, cruelty, and crimes.

 

Sound familiar?

 

 

Motive … or the lack of.



People kill for different reasons.

 

Money.

Hate.

Jealousy.

If they are psychotic, they may be triggered, or live in a twisted fantasy world

 

 

News reports, crime documentaries, and non-fiction books, remind us of how some people are capable of committing horrific crimes.

 

Not all toxic people go as far as murder, but they are dangerous and destructive.

 

They are self-absorbed, driven by jealousy, malice, greed, and rage, capable of destroying lives and leaving their victims financially, psychologically, and spiritually broken.

 

In the aftermath, survivors may experience the debilitating effects of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD).

 

Knowledge enables you to spot the traits and tell-tale signs that you are in the presence of a narcissistic sociopath. Many survivors, reflecting on what they went through, come to the conclusion:

 

If I had known then what I know now, I would have had nothing to do with him/her!

 

When that superficial mask of charm slips … watch out!

 

If you are caught in a controlling, abusive relationship, and you recognize the signs of deceit, cheating, mind games, and gaslighting … get out!

 

Help, advice, and a path to recovery and healing are available.

 

You are not alone.



---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


In support of Narcissistic Abuse awareness and recovery:

 

June 1st is World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day (WNAAD).

 

Recommended websites for research and recovery:

 

http://www.wnaad.com/


http://flyingmonkeysdenied.com/


http://www.innerintegration.com/


http://www.drgeorgesimon.com/


https://kimsaeed.com/


https://www.psychopathfree.com/


https://eclecticalu.blogspot.com/


http://www.doctor-ramani.com/e


https://micheleleenieves.com/


https://www.thriveafterabuse.com/


https://www.tamiemcoaching.com/


https://addictionrehabtreatment.com/mentalhealth/anxiety/signs-and-symptoms-of-anxiety/


Twitter hashtags:

 

#AbuseByProxy #Adultery #AgainstBullying #BackStabbers #ClusterB #CPTSD #DomesticViolence #Enablers #FlirtingIsCheating #FlyingMonkeys #Gaslighting #HealingFromCPTSD #IAmEnough #IAmStillStanding #IfMyWoundsWereVisible #Infidelity #MicroAggression #NarcissisticAbuse #Narcissism #Narcissist #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #NarcissisticSupply #Psychopath #PsychopathFree #SmearCampaign #Sociopath #ThrivingAfterNarcissisticAbuse #TwoFaced #WNAAD

 

#Depression #Anxiety #Lonely #Relationship #NeedToTalk #Counseling #MentalHealth #Advocacy #Therapy #SelfImprovement #SelfEsteem #Motivation #Empowerment #Inspiration #Incentive #Hope #Help #SelfCare #SelfHelp #Equality #Diversity #Equity #Inclusion #PeaceOfMind #Community