Jack Kost

Sunday, June 1, 2025

Malignant Narcissists: The Personification Of Human Evil:

Sagacious News

Posted in Mind Matters

April 2, 2015

Malignant narcissists are the personification of human evil. Well-known psychologist and author, Erich Fromm, coined the phrase “malignant narcissism” back in 1964 and characterized it as the “quintessence of evil.” Psychoanalyst Otto Kermberg claimed that the antisocial personality was essentially narcissistic and lacked morality, indicating that malignant narcissism includes a sadistic element, which serves to create a sadistic psychopath. In 1984, Kermberg proposed malignant narcissism as a psychiatric diagnosis. Writer and psychiatrist M. Scott Peck (People of the Lie ) identified malignant narcissism as “the primary root of most human evil.” Peck further characterized it as “militant ignorance.”

According to Wikipedia and Richard N. Kocsis in Criminal Profiling, “malignant narcissism can be described as ‘an extreme form of antisocial personality disorder that is manifest in a person who is pathologically grandiose, lacking in conscience and behavioral regulation, and with characteristic demonstrations of joyful cruelty and sadism.’

“As a syndrome, it may include aspects of schizoid and narcissistic personality disorder, as well as paranoia — recent ‘contributions have confirmed the importance of malignant narcissism and the defense of projection’ in the latter syndrome, as well as ‘the patient’s vulnerability to malignant narcissistic regression.’

Malignant narcissism can be comorbid with other psychological disorders such as borderline personality disorder, sociopathy, even psychopathy. Malignant narcissists, however, cannot be helped by therapy. According to Jacques Lacan in Écrits: a Selection, “the patient attempts to triumph over the analyst by destroying the analysis and himself or herself.” The patient cannot stand the idea that anyone other than his own lofty self has the power to free him from his condition which, all too frequently, the narcissist sees as being preferable—even superior—to being mundanely normal.

In What Makes a Narcissist Tick by Kathy Krajco, it is stated that while a personality disorder is a psychiatric diagnosis, in the law the narcissist’s behavior is viewed as “premeditated and volitional.” She later opines “…it is quite likely that psychopathy (Antisocial Personality Disorder) and malignant narcissism are one and the same. [They] go through life doing their thing by laying waste to lives in other ways like malignant narcissists do, as “love thieves,” parasites, gold diggers, climbers, slanderers, verbal abusers, child abusers, wife beaters, pied pipers (i.e., religious and political messiahs), and the like…leaving poverty, destroyed careers, ruined potential, lost nest eggs, psychological injury and even suicide in their wake.” I can personally attest to poverty, ruined potential, psychological injury, and even near-suicide as the result of relationships with malignant narcissists. These people are just plain dangerous. They are evil.

Peck says that evil has to do with killing, it is that which is against life and liveliness. “When I say that evil has to do with killing, I do not mean to restrict myself to corporeal murder. Evil is also that which kills spirit. There are various essential attributes of life–particularly human life–such as sentience, mobility, awareness, growth, autonomy, will. It is possible to kill or attempt to kill one of these attributes without actually destroying the body.” Emotional abuse, manipulating and controlling another person, denying them autonomy and freedom: these acts, common to narcissists of all stripes, are acts of evil.

Evil, however (according to Peck) is not so much the sin itself but the refusal to acknowledge the sin, to admit you were wrong and seek to make amends. So while any person may do something that hurts another, like participating in the bullying of a co-worker, for example, the truly evil are those who refuse to acknowledge their wrong-doing. This is the difference between having a conscience, knowing remorse, and the narcissistic lack of conscience, even going so far as to blame the victim for his feeling hurt: “…he was asking for it, wearing those pink socks with yellow pants, dressing like a geek—we just gave him what he had coming…”

Malignant narcissists take it one step further: instead of waiting for an opportunity to ride someone, they make their own opportunities. They stalk, cyber-stalk, harass, bully, and even plot against their targets for extended periods of time. There is nothing too low for them to stoop to, no behavior too extreme for them as they pursue their goal of power and dominion over those around them. A malignant narcissist will do anything she thinks she can get away with in order to get what she wants. There is nothing they will not do to get their way, to create ways to get gratitude and admiration from others, to punish those who thwart them. From intentionally digging at someone’s emotional tender spots to stealing their children, to keeping a terminally ill man home until he collapses on the way to the bathroom and breaks a bone, then concealing both his illness and death from an adoring daughter (who didn’t so much adore the narcissistic mother), these people have no boundaries, no sense of shame, no limits to what they are willing to do to get what they want.

Malignant narcissists: they are the evil that walks among us.

Recommended Books:

People of the Lie: The Hope for Healing Human Evil

The Survivor’s Quest: Recovery After Encountering Evil

Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us

Puzzling People: The Labyrinth of the Psychopath

Defeated Demons: Freedom from Consciousness Parasites in Psychopathic Society

In support of Narcissistic Abuse awareness and recovery.

June 1st is World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day (WNAAD).

Recommended websites for research and recovery:

http://www.wnaad.com/

http://flyingmonkeysdenied.com/

http://www.innerintegration.com/

http://www.drgeorgesimon.com/

https://kimsaeed.com/

https://www.psychopathfree.com/

https://eclecticalu.blogspot.com/

http://www.doctor-ramani.com/

https://micheleleenieves.com/

https://www.thriveafterabuse.com/

Twitter hashtags:

#AbuseByProxy #Adultery #AgainstBullying #BackStabbers #ClusterB #CPTSD #Enablers #FlirtingIsCheating #FlyingMonkeys #Gaslighting #HealingFromCPTSD #IAmEnough #IAmStillStanding #IfMyWoundsWereVisible #Infidelity #MicroAggression #NarcissisticAbuse #Narcissism #Narcissist #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #NarcissisticSupply #Psychopath #PsychopathFree #SmearCampaign #Sociopath #ThrivingAfterNarcissisticAbuse #TwoFaced #WNAAD

Anxiety Disorders Typically Caused by Exposure to Narcissistic Abuse:

Flying Monkeys Denied is a C-PTSD and Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Website

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

The most common target for social abuse are highly sensitive and emotionally intelligent people who are by nature prone to behaving like humanists. People who are of lesser social means (meaning less socially powerful or influential) are also likely targets, too.

If you live in a home where abuse is prevalent, expect your health to decline and your self-conception to suffer. Being told all the time YOU are the problem for reacting to abuse in ways that are actually emotionally intelligent and PHYSICALLY appropriate tends to cause victim self-identity to suffer.

If you feel like you are unsure whether you over-react to abuse or you are justified in being upset when you are lied to, conned by a love fraud, are cheated on, are beaten or sexually assaulted, threatened with murder, etcetera… your mind and body are already experiencing symptoms of extreme C-PTSD.

Chances are you are likely to be developing a form of Stockholm Syndrome based on trauma bonding with your Abuser. When and if a trauma bond forms, the biology of the human form does a couple of things.

First of all — if you are healthy and sane, you will tend to trust your own eyes and ears as well as sanity. If you catch a partner cheating, for instance, but they blame YOU? Or an Enabler tries to convince you that your abuser loves you in their own way? Or they tell you that physical assault is for your own good?

Seriously — if you believe them you are already likely to be living with adrenal fatigue and heightened forms of pervasive social anxiety soon.

The following list of anxiety disorder types was compiled by the Mayo Clinic. The healthcare organization describes many of the most common conditions as follows:

Agoraphobia (ag-uh-ruh-FOE-be-uh) is a type of anxiety disorder in which you fear and often avoid places or situations that might cause you to panic and make you feel trapped, helpless or embarrassed.

Anxiety disorder due to a medical condition includes symptoms of intense anxiety or panic that are directly caused by a physical health problem.

Generalized anxiety disorder includes persistent and excessive anxiety and worry about activities or events — even ordinary, routine issues. The worry is out of proportion to the actual circumstance, is difficult to control and affects how you feel physically. It often occurs along with other anxiety disorders or depression.

Panic disorder involves repeated episodes of sudden feelings of intense anxiety and fear or terror that reach a peak within minutes (panic attacks). You may have feelings of impending doom, shortness of breath, chest pain, or a rapid, fluttering or pounding heart (heart palpitations). These panic attacks may lead to worrying about them happening again or avoiding situations in which they’ve occurred.

Selective mutism is a consistent failure of children to speak in certain situations, such as school, even when they can speak in other situations, such as at home with close family members. This can interfere with school, work and social functioning.

Separation anxiety disorder is a childhood disorder characterized by anxiety that’s excessive for the child’s developmental level and related to separation from parents or others who have parental roles.

Social anxiety disorder (social phobia) involves high levels of anxiety, fear and avoidance of social situations due to feelings of embarrassment, self-consciousness and concern about being judged or viewed negatively by others.

Specific phobias are characterized by major anxiety when you’re exposed to a specific object or situation and a desire to avoid it. Phobias provoke panic attacks in some people.

Substance-induced anxiety disorder is characterized by symptoms of intense anxiety or panic that are a direct result of abusing drugs, taking medications, being exposed to a toxic substance or withdrawal from drugs.

Other specified anxiety disorder and unspecified anxiety disorder are terms for anxiety or phobias that don’t meet the exact criteria for any other anxiety disorders but are significant enough to be distressing and disruptive.

SOURCE:

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/anxiety/symptoms-causes/dxc-20168124

Folks who actively abuse and enable other abusers love telling their abuse victims that they are somehow socially, emotionally, and intellectually deficient. They are huge fans of abusing the crap out of their target, then when caught or confronted about their behavior choices they love nothing more than playing the victim.

The more extreme the personality disorder the more likely social predators are to enjoy harming or humiliating and dominating other people.

Not only do they expect their willing Narcissistic Supply Sources to consistently play SUB-servant, they wholeheartedly expect and demand total obedience from any preferred scapegoat they like to claim ownership of and to toy with psychologically and emotionally on a regular basis.

People who get trapped* in the CYCLE OF NARCISSISTIC ABUSE tend to know something is not right with the claims the Cluster B person makes, but unless they are well educated about things like how to spot the warning signs of a Cluster B pack or egocentric Abuser, love fraud tactics, and are made aware of verbal abuse and mind control tactics, predators make incredible logical fallacy statements and appeals to emotion that sound — at least plausible — to an unaware listener.

If a target makes the mistake of reverse projecting and presumes that all human beings — INCLUDING CLUSTER B PEOPLE AND VERTICAL THINKERS — have the same core values as roughly 75-80% of the global human population, that is the instant chaos manufactures or pot stirrers have the ability to start mind assaulting trouble.

People who are exposed to physical abuse, sexual assault, verbal assaults of a poignant or pervasive nature, financial abuse, social persecution, and the word choices of dehumanizers seeking to sadistically or callously persecute tend to develop extreme social anxiety, pervasive stress related illnesses, and extreme confusion over knowing they are good folks in their heart and mind but hear constant ad hominem attacks against themselves by bullies and manipulators all the time.

If you are being harassed, bullied, messed with at work, are being picked on by family members who display Cluster B behaviors, an ex has done some crappy thing like tried to smear campaign, or worse…

Or you are feeling the literal weight of an angry and hostile narcissistic led faction world…

You are not alone in suspecting being around mean people can damage your health. Verbal assault can lead directly to neurological damage to the part of the brain that houses complex emotional reasoning centers and the body fatigues and organ function is medically depleted by the fear-induced surge of toxic adrenal chemicals.

Seriously.

Life-threatening illness tends to develop in humans who feel TRAPPED by an Abuser (unable to flee) or who are held hostage by toxic thinkers seeking to silence and oppress their scapegoats, targets, and control the fear-based psychology of their toys as well as any collateral damage victims.

[Abusers tend to rage at anyone who offers one of their preferred scapegoat targets humanitarian aid or social support. Doing so tends to produce the effect of socially isolating their targeted victim while humiliating and truly frightening them further when and if people passively choose to stay out of it or to enable, leaving the target even more vulnerable to further pervasive overt (as well as extreme covert) situational abuse.]

The more healthcare workers start to realize if a patient presents with stress illness and psychiatric symptoms that the patient is more than likely showing physical signs of complex psychological and emotional duress more than likely being caused by ongoing exposure to Narcissistic Abuse or an Ambient Abuse promoting environment, the sooner human beings of neurotypical nature are likely to be able to end the healthcare crisis beginning to plague most modern nations.

http://flyingmonkeysdenied.com/2017/03/07/anxiety-disorders-typically-caused-by-exposure-to-narcissistic-abuse/

In support of Narcissistic Abuse awareness and recovery.

June 1st is World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day (WNAAD).

Recommended websites for research and recovery:

http://www.wnaad.com/

http://flyingmonkeysdenied.com/

http://www.innerintegration.com/

http://www.drgeorgesimon.com/

https://kimsaeed.com/

https://www.psychopathfree.com/

https://eclecticalu.blogspot.com/

https://micheleleenieves.com/

https://www.thriveafterabuse.com/

Twitter hashtags:

#AbuseByProxy #Adultery #AgainstBullying #BackStabbers #ClusterB #CPTSD #Enablers #FlirtingIsCheating #FlyingMonkeys #Gaslighting #HealingFromCPTSD #IAmEnough #IAmStillStanding #IfMyWoundsWereVisible #Infidelity #MicroAggression #NarcissisticAbuse #Narcissism #Narcissist #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #NarcissisticSupply #Psychopath #PsychopathFree #SmearCampaign #Sociopath #ThrivingAfterNarcissisticAbuse #TwoFaced #WNAAD

Why narcissists get away with everything and create the impression of being good people:

By Kristina Ivanova.

January 14, 2020.

Narcissists are everywhere around us.

They have their ways to spread their negative energy into our lives, and often there is nothing we can do about it. These self-centered people can effortlessly manipulate and mislead the others around them. And they make it so shady it’s almost completely unnoticeable.

The egocentric nature of those individuals makes them maintain many deceitful faces. They know exactly how to make everyone like them and follow their lead for as long as they want. Plus, they often have one specific target – the most compassionate and gullible person of the group.

Why do they always aim for the most empathetic and compassionate ones?

The truth is narcissists are envious of anyone better than themselves.

They get jealous of people with high levels of integrity and empathy because they have none of it inside their souls. That’s why the self-centered mind of a narcissist makes them want to dim everyone’s light as soon as possible, so their star can shine brighter than anyone else’s.

Unfortunately, when the victim sees the true colors of their abuser, it is usually too late. They get too deep captivated into their fraudulent webs. This is what happens when a narcissist succeeds in manipulating and emotionally abusing their target.

How the heck does a narcissist get away with everything so easily and eventually comes out as a good person?

First of all, have in mind that narcissists are masters at creating an attractive and charismatic persona for themselves to fool others. In public, they are a totally different person than they actually are. These egoistic creatures know how to provoke severe emotional reactions. Oftentimes, they are the ones who appear to be the victim instead of the abuser.

The first time a narcissist meets someone, they classify them as either a threat or an easy victim they can take advantage of. In case the new person doesn’t fall under any of these categories, the manipulator simply doesn’t bother. However, if they do fall under one of the defined sections, the narcissist will surely approach them. He or she will first charm and adore their new toy, only to make them vulnerable enough so they can easily fall for the vicious mind games that follow.

The next stage of their strategy is keeping their victim off balance. This way they make them doubt themselves and wonder if they are good enough and worthy of love. By fabricating this manipulative labyrinth, the narcissist makes sure they are the only winner in the mind games they play.

Do you wonder why it is so difficult to deal with such a manipulative being?

Have you heard of the halo effect? This is when a person has some kind of energy around them that makes them seem appealing, positive, and good in general. In real life, it’s often perceived as being charismatic. That’s something that narcissists definitely know how to achieve. They are perfectly aware of how to fool others into thinking they are genuine and trustworthy.

Every narcissist chooses their victim very carefully.

Moreover, they make sure they target a person who hasn’t had the chance to get to truly know their nature. The second a self-centered individual feel like they are about to be exposed, they quickly direct all of their energy into blaming the victim of all the troubles they personally caused.

Unfortunately, when someone treats us badly, most of us try their best to see the good in the situation and to show empathy for the abuser. We try to convince ourselves that deep down they didn’t mean to hurt our feelings. That’s exactly why this madness continues. Narcissists are aware of the empathetic nature of their targets. That’s why they succeed in getting whatever they want.

We need to wake up from this delusion, and we need to do it right now. Otherwise, these manipulative creatures will continue hurting us and making our lives miserable.

https://iheartintelligence.com/why-narcissists-get-away-with-everything/

Narcissistic people fancy themselves as Puppet Master pulling strings:

November 16, 2015

Flying Monkeys Denied is a C-PTSD and Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Website

People who have narcissistic personalities constantly blame-shift while striving to further embarrass, upset, inconvenience, or humiliate their victims. They could care less about other people’s feelings except they seem to delight in knowing trigger issues in order to exploit them. Pretending they are a puppet master who excels at pulling people’s strings. “Dance, puppet… dance!” is all you should hear no matter what they are saying when you sense they are on the hunt for a narcissistic supply source to torture in order to eliminate their own stress by acting sadistically towards others in an attempt to stimulate their own pleasure centers while alleviating boredom.

Psychology Today calls Narcissistic people “Social Puppeteers”. The website notes, “At some point in our lives we have all been taken advantage of emotionally, physically, psychologically, or perhaps even financially. These events are painful, even devastating, and fortunately, for most of us, these encounters are infrequent. Sometimes there are relationships that unfortunately last far too long for our own well-being, where we are repeatedly taken advantage of and made to feel as if we are mere puppets – controlled and manipulated.”

People who tolerate Narcissistic Abuse like covert manipulation, domestic violence, or the social, emotional, and financial abuse of a target, are not being virtuous. They are not acting as proper role models. What they are is guilty of enabling and vicariously deriving pleasure from aiding in the sadistic torment of people being victimized by an intolerant and ultimately self-centered and bullish, intimidating aggressor.

They are guilty of #Mobbing. And schoolyard bullying.

[No schoolyard necessary.]

And by pop culture inspired psychiatric definition they willingly sign up to join the Flying Monkey Army of the Circus Monkey ring leader.

About narcissistic and/or toxic personality types, Psychology Today also has this to say:

The self-centered, self-absorbed narcissist needs an adoring audience to fawn over them – ever pliant. There is no shortage of these individuals, including those who will fall for them and whatever it is they are peddling. Whether it is a new way of doing business (think Enron), a new religion (think Jonestown, Guyana), or a superior empire (Third Reich). The self-centered/narcissistic personality needs a willing audience to manipulate, no matter how small, so long as they are blindly obedient and deferential. As such, the narcissist often chooses a profession, guild, organization, occupation, or a job where he or she can manipulate others or the system like a puppeteer. Through their words and actions, intended to impress and seduce, they control lives, thoughts, and perceptions to achieve their objective.

There is no truth other than Narcissism as an identified disorder. Narcissistic people learn to imitate emotion and copycat lifestyle habits, nothing more. Persistently lost in their own drive to sate selfish and impulsive desires, the card-carrying Narcissist or Narcopath can do nothing other than pretend to be something they are fundamentally not — namely speaking, emotionally intelligent.

No matter how old a Narcissistic person gets, they act with the common sense logic of a tantruming toddler. People who have Borderline Personality Disorder are guilty of pitching the most routine fits for attention, but Narcissists… man. When they imagine someone has deliberately done something to offend or inconvenience them, the “Narcissistic Injury” they perceive from the imaginary (or real) offense is always a stage five nuclear family disaster.

Collateral damage victims will all be harmed by a Narcissistic Rage attack. Children who witness their parent’s language choices and see bad behavior learn how to emotionally respond or react with a sense of entitlement (if they are domineering) or how to avoid wrath by enabling (if they are more passive-aggressive or self-centered).

One thing is common to all people with Covert Narcissist or situationally abusive temperaments…

Whether they have mild or extreme Cluster B personality disorder symptoms, all behave egocentrically with a pervasive sense of “Entitlement” — thinking that interfering in other people’s lives or manipulating for personal gain at the expense of others is in some way something they are entitled to do without any moral, social, or emotional culpability.

Don’t give in to their compulsive attention seeking. Go gray rock and no contact as soon as you recognize the red flags and warning signs that a person has a toxic personality. Cut the psychic manipulation cords the Puppet Master has cleverly engineers to bind your mind, body, and soul to them by allowing yourself permission to detach, heal, and grieve the loss of the person they pretended to be when you first met them (if your abuser is or was a romantic partner) or forgive them in general for having a toxic personality disorder if and when they are an unavoidable boss, co-worker, neighbor, or family member.

Depersonalizing abuse while reading daily reminders about mind control, brainwashing, C-PSTD recovery, and warning signs can help Narcissistic Abuse victims learn how to spot dangerous, manipulative, or controlling people. Education about personality disorder symptoms is key to learning how to compartmentalize social and emotional events in their proper context.

If you have been manipulated by a Narcissist or any person who exhibits anti-social or abusive traits, stop beating yourself up for it. At the time you got involved, you more than likely had no idea what you were in for getting involved with a person who had all the charisma and fascinating dysfunction in the world to rescue.

Now that you know better, choose to make different decisions.

Setting healthy boundaries about the kind of people you wish to allow into your home and the sort of personalities that you prefer to surround yourself with is not acting like a holier-than-thou prince or princess. It’s prudent.

Ain’t nobody in the 21st century got time to be dealing with a covert or overt Narcissist — or any of their mind-numbing circular arguments that waste colossal amounts of time and energy. Spending any social or emotional time whatsoever indulging a Narcissist’s need for attention gets participants only one thing…

Victimized FAST.

http://flyingmonkeysdenied.com/2015/11/16/narcissistic-people-fancy-themselves-as-puppet-master-pulling-strings/

In His Words: My Poisonous Relationship – A Story of Betrayal and Death:

By Anonymous.

Posted by Kim Saeed.

I lay on the bed. It was about to happen again. I had a sick sensation beginning from my torso and upward. The sensation coursed up and slowly to my head every time – following the hallucinations.

I had lost over twenty pounds in two weeks and the doctors could find nothing wrong. I would become violently sick at times, only to lie in bed and hallucinate other times. Still no diagnosis. The high-priced antibiotics did nothing for my condition. They suspected food poisoning, but food poisoning does not last for four months. However, other poisoning can…such as a slow and deliberate poisoning.

As I lay in bed, I could hear my then-wife speaking with someone on the phone. She sounded angry. And she should’ve been angry with me for being this sick (this is genuinely what I thought at the time). She would occasionally peer in the door just to look at me, then close it and resume her argument…with whom I didn’t know. At the time I suspected it was her mother, though now I recognize it was her boyfriend. Who – by the way – mysteriously died during our divorce proceedings several years later. Did he know too much? We will never know. It’s strange how this 39-year-old, healthy man died in the middle of our divorce. (Not to mention, several other men who were involved with her in some way – and all of their pets.)

This was still not my wake-up call to an insanely abusive relationship at the hands of the woman I thought loved me. That would come later. Much later.

I mysteriously recovered, but still experience tell-tale symptoms to this day. This is only the tip of the lying iceberg I married.

I will characterize her this way – she was never happy. She never smiled genuinely. She was impossible to get close to and never showed one ounce of gratitude, no matter how much I did for her. One Friday in particular, I had gotten off work early. I’d mowed and preened the lawn to perfection, cleaned the house (laundry included), made dinner arrangements for the kids (for when they got home from private school), and made dinner arrangements for the two of us. I bought flowers and wine to be at the ready for when she pulled up from her part time job as a teacher (really more of a glorified daycare worker as she has no degree).

As I sat in the perfect evening sun, I knew there was nothing she could complain about. It was all done. Nice home, thriving businesses, caring husband, great kids… But no, I was wrong.

I finally got the nerve to ask her. “Why can’t you say something nice? Anything? Why can’t you just say something nice to me?”

Her response, “I’m not going to kiss your ass”.

THIS was my wake-up call. I finally realized I had wasted all of my time and was about to be dragged through divorce court. And any man who’s been with one of these women knows how devastating this can be as they tear apart everything you worked for and divide it between the “wife” and the lawyers. The men and children lose nearly every single time in that arena.

But this isn’t how a narcissistic spouse views it. They love it. They relish in the drama and mess. It was apparent she loved every minute of it.

To go back a decade and a half, you would not know that this was going to happen. She at least pretended to love me. She was my other half. We did many things together early on, only to have her turn into something entirely different. Perhaps early on, I had lost my temper and I was not perfect, to be fair. But I now know how these situations can be provoked, especially if you are a young man. So, I was always trying to “make up” for any misgivings, but I never was able to. They were held against me every day for years and years. Never mind any of hers. Those were off limits.

I questioned things she had said that did not make sense only to be met with her fits of crying. I could never get a straight answer. By this time, we’d had our first child and it was clear that I must stay committed and do my best with this (I realize now) narcissistic personality-disordered person. And I did. I gave it my best…every…single…day. But it was never enough. I was only met with sour attitudes, put-downs and a general sense of dread. The air was always thick with her contempt for me.

Most days were filled with silent treatments and punishments…for what, I don’t know. I was always compared to others that were supposedly “better” than me. She reserved her kindness and manners for anyone that wasn’t me or my friends. Later, all of my friends (but one) said she used to give them snotty looks when I wasn’t looking. I guess this was her attempt to isolate me from people who cared about me. And she was successful to some extent. On this note I would like to describe meeting new people that she already knew. Almost without exception, if I were introduced (which was rare) to someone she already knew, they would be very cool and stand-offish. I realize now this is what’s referred to as a smear campaign. I also know it happened the whole time I was with her. I just couldn’t get it until much later. I will never know what was said about me, but it is clear it was not good. I had a reputation that preceded me wherever she’d gone first. Playing the victim is very powerful. She had this down to a “t”.

Lies, deception, put-downs, veiled threats and emotional terrorism. This is what I lived through and with for nearly twenty years. I did not know better at the time. I thought eventually she would be happy. But, being happy never works for the narcissist. It doesn’t fit the script. But a dead husband with a life insurance policy does. Not only would she benefit financially, but just think of all the sympathy she would get! Oh, that poor woman. Her husband has died. Now her bank account is fat and her lover had to take over to help with the estate. Poor, poor little waif. And he was so young!

But I ruined the plan. I did not die. I don’t know if she ran out of poison or just gave up. To this day, I have a briefcase full of evidence that investigators do not want to see. I pity the poor fellow she is with now. I would tell him, but he wouldn’t believe me. Like everyone else the narcissist knows, he has been co-opted into her drama. Besides, I would merely be a jilted ex-husband who just needs to “get over it”.

Towards the end of the divorce, I had not even a chance to know what I had done wrong. What did I do to deserve this kind of treatment? She never told me except to say, “I didn’t tell, and now it’s too late!” Crazy thinking. She did tell me that she wanted to “drive with the windows down and the radio loud” and that was why she was tearing everything I worked so hard for to shreds.

Maybe in her shallow mind that was reason enough.

Who cares what anyone else wants? Who cares if they don’t fit the narcissist’s drama? I can tell you; the end began when I started asking for something…anything. A kind word. A thank you. Anything. I began to “wake up” and started seeing her for the monster she is. Then I became obsolete in her world. It was time to take everything she could from me. That was her cue. I was on to her.

Very strange, how she treated me at the end. As if she were mailing an envelope, or making a phone call. Just business. No emotion whatsoever, as she went about destroying everything that meant anything to me.

Thank God I finally woke up.

It does get better. Today I don’t have nearly the panic attacks I once had. I am virtually “no contact” with her and some of the other people in my life, who I now recognize as personality disordered. I am thankful that I have the rest of my life to be happy and away from such evil…and make no mistake, narcissists are evil. They will chew up your soul if you let them.

Today I have no intention of letting anyone do anything like that ever again. I am sane. I am clear. I am whole.

Please share,

Anonymous.

https://kimsaeed.com/2015/05/08/in-his-words-a-poisonous-relationship-a-story-of-betrayal-and-death/

The Covert Narcissist:

By Anne McCrea

November 20, 2019

The Minds Journal

Most of us know what a narcissist looks like. We have seen them portrayed in movies and books as the manipulative, attractive man or woman who think and act like they are better than others. But not all narcissists are like this.

Covert narcissists are dangerous people who know how to hide their narcissistic traits in public and raise hell by controlling and manipulating your life in private.

“Covert narcissists are masters of disguise—successful actors, humanitarians, politicians, clergy members, and even psychotherapists—who are beloved and appreciated, but are secretly selfish, calculating, controlling, angry, and vindictive.”

– Ross Rosenberg.

No one would believe that the man who sits in church with his family every Sunday, is a monster behind closed doors with the family that looks so perfect on the outside.

No one would believe that the ‘doting’ mother cheering on her child in the school gala, had been yelling and belittling her daughter minutes beforehand.

Who would believe that the friendly local grocer who chats happily with his customers has been giving his wife the silent treatment and not acknowledged her existence in weeks?

Who would believe that the lovely charming ‘lady’ at the top of her profession, trampled on anyone who stood in her way on her rise to the top.

The closet narcissist is a great pretender, hiding who they really are with the expertise.

The covert narcissist puts on such a convincing display of being a loving, kind person in public but to those who know them personally, to those closest to them, they are selfish, manipulative, exploitive and anything but the loving and kind person that they purport to be. They know that if they displayed their true colors in public, they would lose the recognition, respect, and admiration that they so desperately crave. Perhaps their ability to fool the outside world makes this type of personality one of the most dangerous. They worry about being found out. They are deeply envious knowing that they can never be the person that others believe them to be.

The covert narcissist is a con artist who lacks the confidence of the overt narcissist. They need constant attention moving from one relationship to another in order to avoid being alone. Time spent alone often leads to depression when their needs are not being met. Narcissistic supply is vital to their well-being.

Your value in the narcissist’s life will depend on your usefulness. When you are no longer regarded as useful or you challenge them about who they really are, you will be cast aside without a second thought as if you never existed. Your reputation will have been discredited so that you will never be believed.

Scott Barry Kaufman (Psychologist) explains…

“While the overt narcissists tended to be aggressive, self-aggrandizing, exploitative, and have extreme delusions of grandeur and a need for attention, covert narcissists were more prone to feelings of neglect or belittlement, hypersensitivity, anxiety, and delusions of persecution.”

The traits of the overt narcissist can be obvious often being displayed quite openly but in contrast, the traits of the covert narcissist can be very difficult to spot. Below are some signs that you may be dealing with a covert narcissist…

1.     Always plays the victim wanting your sympathy

2.     Quiet Smugness/Superiority

3.     Self-absorbed

4.     Extreme selfishness

5.     Constant craving for acknowledgment

6.     Passive-aggressive

7.     Judgemental and critical

8.     Lacks empathy

9.     Highly sensitive being unable to handle criticism

10. Difficulties with relationships

11. Gets bored easily

12. Switches off rather than listen intently to others

It can be difficult not to get sucked into a narcissist’s web of deceit and feel sorry for them when they play the victim card. The narcissist is looking for a reaction from you. Don’t feed the monster! When they fail to get their desired reaction from you, they will take a step back and look for their supply elsewhere. Be aware of the traits before it’s too late and don’t let yourself be controlled by someone whose ultimate goal is to control not only your mind but your life.

“Covert Narcissists, like professional actors, are talented at pretending to be someone they are not. If people could see behind their charming and likable “masks” they wouldn’t be able to steal, exploit and manipulate their unsuspecting victims.”

– Ross Rosenberg.

Getting yourself free from the evil clutches of the covert narcissist can be very difficult as it will take you a lot of time to realize what they truly are: monsters in disguise. They will drain you emotionally, mentally and physically and they will not let you even after they find a new target.

They may seem to support and help you, but they are only tricking you into believing that they want the best for you. When in reality all they want is to control you and your life, until and unless you walk away.

From: Narcissistic & Emotional Abuse: Shattering the Illusion, by Anne McCrea.

Available on Amazon.

https://themindsjournal.com/the-covert-narcissist/

In support of Narcissistic Abuse awareness and recovery:

June 1st is World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day (WNAAD).

Recommended websites for research and recovery:

http://www.wnaad.com/

http://flyingmonkeysdenied.com/

http://www.innerintegration.com/

http://www.drgeorgesimon.com/

https://kimsaeed.com/

https://www.psychopathfree.com/

https://eclecticalu.blogspot.com/

http://www.doctor-ramani.com/

https://micheleleenieves.com/

https://www.thriveafterabuse.com/

Twitter hashtags:

#AbuseByProxy #Adultery #AgainstBullying #BackStabbers #ClusterB #CPTSD #Enablers #FlirtingIsCheating #FlyingMonkeys #Gaslighting #HealingFromCPTSD #IAmEnough #IAmStillStanding #IfMyWoundsWereVisible #Infidelity #MicroAggression #NarcissisticAbuse #Narcissism #Narcissist #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #NarcissisticSupply #Psychopath #PsychopathFree #SmearCampaign #Sociopath #ThrivingAfterNarcissisticAbuse #TwoFaced #WNAAD