Jack Kost

Saturday, June 1, 2024

Why narcissists get away with everything and create the impression of being good people:

By Kristina Ivanova.

January 14, 2020.

Narcissists are everywhere around us.

They have their ways to spread their negative energy into our lives, and often there is nothing we can do about it. These self-centered people can effortlessly manipulate and mislead the others around them. And they make it so shady it’s almost completely unnoticeable.

The egocentric nature of those individuals makes them maintain many deceitful faces. They know exactly how to make everyone like them and follow their lead for as long as they want. Plus, they often have one specific target – the most compassionate and gullible person of the group.

Why do they always aim for the most empathetic and compassionate ones?

The truth is narcissists are envious of anyone better than themselves.

They get jealous of people with high levels of integrity and empathy because they have none of it inside their souls. That’s why the self-centered mind of a narcissist makes them want to dim everyone’s light as soon as possible, so their star can shine brighter than anyone else’s.

Unfortunately, when the victim sees the true colors of their abuser, it is usually too late. They get too deep captivated into their fraudulent webs. This is what happens when a narcissist succeeds in manipulating and emotionally abusing their target.

How the heck does a narcissist get away with everything so easily and eventually comes out as a good person?

First of all, have in mind that narcissists are masters at creating an attractive and charismatic persona for themselves to fool others. In public, they are a totally different person than they actually are. These egoistic creatures know how to provoke severe emotional reactions. Oftentimes, they are the ones who appear to be the victim instead of the abuser.

The first time a narcissist meets someone, they classify them as either a threat or an easy victim they can take advantage of. In case the new person doesn’t fall under any of these categories, the manipulator simply doesn’t bother. However, if they do fall under one of the defined sections, the narcissist will surely approach them. He or she will first charm and adore their new toy, only to make them vulnerable enough so they can easily fall for the vicious mind games that follow.

The next stage of their strategy is keeping their victim off balance. This way they make them doubt themselves and wonder if they are good enough and worthy of love. By fabricating this manipulative labyrinth, the narcissist makes sure they are the only winner in the mind games they play.

Do you wonder why it is so difficult to deal with such a manipulative being?

Have you heard of the halo effect? This is when a person has some kind of energy around them that makes them seem appealing, positive, and good in general. In real life, it’s often perceived as being charismatic. That’s something that narcissists definitely know how to achieve. They are perfectly aware of how to fool others into thinking they are genuine and trustworthy.

Every narcissist chooses their victim very carefully.

Moreover, they make sure they target a person who hasn’t had the chance to get to truly know their nature. The second a self-centered individual feel like they are about to be exposed, they quickly direct all of their energy into blaming the victim of all the troubles they personally caused.

Unfortunately, when someone treats us badly, most of us try their best to see the good in the situation and to show empathy for the abuser. We try to convince ourselves that deep down they didn’t mean to hurt our feelings. That’s exactly why this madness continues. Narcissists are aware of the empathetic nature of their targets. That’s why they succeed in getting whatever they want.

We need to wake up from this delusion, and we need to do it right now. Otherwise, these manipulative creatures will continue hurting us and making our lives miserable.

https://iheartintelligence.com/why-narcissists-get-away-with-everything/

In support of Narcissistic Abuse awareness and recovery.

June 1st is World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day (WNAAD).

Recommended websites for research and recovery:

http://www.wnaad.com/

http://flyingmonkeysdenied.com/

http://www.innerintegration.com/

http://www.drgeorgesimon.com/

https://kimsaeed.com/

https://www.psychopathfree.com/

https://eclecticalu.blogspot.com/

http://www.doctor-ramani.com/

https://micheleleenieves.com/

https://www.thriveafterabuse.com/

Twitter hashtags:

#AbuseByProxy #Adultery #AgainstBullying #BackStabbers #ClusterB #CPTSD #Enablers #FlirtingIsCheating #FlyingMonkeys #Gaslighting #HealingFromCPTSD #IAmEnough #IAmStillStanding #IfMyWoundsWereVisible #Infidelity #MicroAggression #NarcissisticAbuse #Narcissism #Narcissist #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #NarcissisticSupply #Psychopath #PsychopathFree #SmearCampaign #Sociopath #ThrivingAfterNarcissisticAbuse #TwoFaced #WNAAD

Narcissistic people fancy themselves as Puppet Master pulling strings:

November 16, 2015

Flying Monkeys Denied is a C-PTSD and Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Website

People who have narcissistic personalities constantly blame-shift while striving to further embarrass, upset, inconvenience, or humiliate their victims. They could care less about other people’s feelings except they seem to delight in knowing trigger issues in order to exploit them. Pretending they are a puppet master who excels at pulling people’s strings. “Dance, puppet… dance!” is all you should hear no matter what they are saying when you sense they are on the hunt for a narcissistic supply source to torture in order to eliminate their own stress by acting sadistically towards others in an attempt to stimulate their own pleasure centers while alleviating boredom.

Psychology Today calls Narcissistic people “Social Puppeteers”. The website notes, “At some point in our lives we have all been taken advantage of emotionally, physically, psychologically, or perhaps even financially. These events are painful, even devastating, and fortunately, for most of us, these encounters are infrequent. Sometimes there are relationships that unfortunately last far too long for our own well-being, where we are repeatedly taken advantage of and made to feel as if we are mere puppets – controlled and manipulated.”

People who tolerate Narcissistic Abuse like covert manipulation, domestic violence, or the social, emotional, and financial abuse of a target, are not being virtuous. They are not acting as proper role models. What they are is guilty of enabling and vicariously deriving pleasure from aiding in the sadistic torment of people being victimized by an intolerant and ultimately self-centered and bullish, intimidating aggressor.

They are guilty of #Mobbing. And schoolyard bullying.

[No schoolyard necessary.]

And by pop culture inspired psychiatric definition they willingly sign up to join the Flying Monkey Army of the Circus Monkey ring leader.

About narcissistic and/or toxic personality types, Psychology Today also has this to say:

The self-centered, self-absorbed narcissist needs an adoring audience to fawn over them – ever pliant. There is no shortage of these individuals, including those who will fall for them and whatever it is they are peddling. Whether it is a new way of doing business (think Enron), a new religion (think Jonestown, Guyana), or a superior empire (Third Reich). The self-centered/narcissistic personality needs a willing audience to manipulate, no matter how small, so long as they are blindly obedient and deferential. As such, the narcissist often chooses a profession, guild, organization, occupation, or a job where he or she can manipulate others or the system like a puppeteer. Through their words and actions, intended to impress and seduce, they control lives, thoughts, and perceptions to achieve their objective.

There is no truth other than Narcissism as an identified disorder. Narcissistic people learn to imitate emotion and copycat lifestyle habits, nothing more. Persistently lost in their own drive to sate selfish and impulsive desires, the card-carrying Narcissist or Narcopath can do nothing other than pretend to be something they are fundamentally not — namely speaking, emotionally intelligent.

No matter how old a Narcissistic person gets, they act with the common sense logic of a tantruming toddler. People who have Borderline Personality Disorder are guilty of pitching the most routine fits for attention, but Narcissists… man. When they imagine someone has deliberately done something to offend or inconvenience them, the “Narcissistic Injury” they perceive from the imaginary (or real) offense is always a stage five nuclear family disaster.

Collateral damage victims will all be harmed by a Narcissistic Rage attack. Children who witness their parent’s language choices and see bad behavior learn how to emotionally respond or react with a sense of entitlement (if they are domineering) or how to avoid wrath by enabling (if they are more passive-aggressive or self-centered).

One thing is common to all people with Covert Narcissist or situationally abusive temperaments…

Whether they have mild or extreme Cluster B personality disorder symptoms, all behave egocentrically with a pervasive sense of “Entitlement” — thinking that interfering in other people’s lives or manipulating for personal gain at the expense of others is in some way something they are entitled to do without any moral, social, or emotional culpability.

Don’t give in to their compulsive attention seeking. Go gray rock and no contact as soon as you recognize the red flags and warning signs that a person has a toxic personality. Cut the psychic manipulation cords the Puppet Master has cleverly engineers to bind your mind, body, and soul to them by allowing yourself permission to detach, heal, and grieve the loss of the person they pretended to be when you first met them (if your abuser is or was a romantic partner) or forgive them in general for having a toxic personality disorder if and when they are an unavoidable boss, co-worker, neighbor, or family member.

Depersonalizing abuse while reading daily reminders about mind control, brainwashing, C-PSTD recovery, and warning signs can help Narcissistic Abuse victims learn how to spot dangerous, manipulative, or controlling people. Education about personality disorder symptoms is key to learning how to compartmentalize social and emotional events in their proper context.

If you have been manipulated by a Narcissist or any person who exhibits anti-social or abusive traits, stop beating yourself up for it. At the time you got involved, you more than likely had no idea what you were in for getting involved with a person who had all the charisma and fascinating dysfunction in the world to rescue.

Now that you know better, choose to make different decisions.

Setting healthy boundaries about the kind of people you wish to allow into your home and the sort of personalities that you prefer to surround yourself with is not acting like a holier-than-thou prince or princess. It’s prudent.

Ain’t nobody in the 21st century got time to be dealing with a covert or overt Narcissist — or any of their mind-numbing circular arguments that waste colossal amounts of time and energy. Spending any social or emotional time whatsoever indulging a Narcissist’s need for attention gets participants only one thing…

Victimized FAST.

http://flyingmonkeysdenied.com/2015/11/16/narcissistic-people-fancy-themselves-as-puppet-master-pulling-strings/

In His Words: My Poisonous Relationship – A Story of Betrayal and Death:

By Anonymous.

Posted by Kim Saeed.

I lay on the bed. It was about to happen again. I had a sick sensation beginning from my torso and upward. The sensation coursed up and slowly to my head every time – following the hallucinations.

I had lost over twenty pounds in two weeks and the doctors could find nothing wrong. I would become violently sick at times, only to lie in bed and hallucinate other times. Still no diagnosis. The high-priced antibiotics did nothing for my condition. They suspected food poisoning, but food poisoning does not last for four months. However, other poisoning can…such as a slow and deliberate poisoning.

As I lay in bed, I could hear my then-wife speaking with someone on the phone. She sounded angry. And she should’ve been angry with me for being this sick (this is genuinely what I thought at the time). She would occasionally peer in the door just to look at me, then close it and resume her argument…with whom I didn’t know. At the time I suspected it was her mother, though now I recognize it was her boyfriend. Who – by the way – mysteriously died during our divorce proceedings several years later. Did he know too much? We will never know. It’s strange how this 39-year-old, healthy man died in the middle of our divorce. (Not to mention, several other men who were involved with her in some way – and all of their pets.)

This was still not my wake-up call to an insanely abusive relationship at the hands of the woman I thought loved me. That would come later. Much later.

I mysteriously recovered, but still experience tell-tale symptoms to this day. This is only the tip of the lying iceberg I married.

I will characterize her this way – she was never happy. She never smiled genuinely. She was impossible to get close to and never showed one ounce of gratitude, no matter how much I did for her. One Friday in particular, I had gotten off work early. I’d mowed and preened the lawn to perfection, cleaned the house (laundry included), made dinner arrangements for the kids (for when they got home from private school), and made dinner arrangements for the two of us. I bought flowers and wine to be at the ready for when she pulled up from her part time job as a teacher (really more of a glorified daycare worker as she has no degree).

As I sat in the perfect evening sun, I knew there was nothing she could complain about. It was all done. Nice home, thriving businesses, caring husband, great kids… But no, I was wrong.

I finally got the nerve to ask her. “Why can’t you say something nice? Anything? Why can’t you just say something nice to me?”

Her response, “I’m not going to kiss your ass”.

THIS was my wake-up call. I finally realized I had wasted all of my time and was about to be dragged through divorce court. And any man who’s been with one of these women knows how devastating this can be as they tear apart everything you worked for and divide it between the “wife” and the lawyers. The men and children lose nearly every single time in that arena.

But this isn’t how a narcissistic spouse views it. They love it. They relish in the drama and mess. It was apparent she loved every minute of it.

To go back a decade and a half, you would not know that this was going to happen. She at least pretended to love me. She was my other half. We did many things together early on, only to have her turn into something entirely different. Perhaps early on, I had lost my temper and I was not perfect, to be fair. But I now know how these situations can be provoked, especially if you are a young man. So, I was always trying to “make up” for any misgivings, but I never was able to. They were held against me every day for years and years. Never mind any of hers. Those were off limits.

I questioned things she had said that did not make sense only to be met with her fits of crying. I could never get a straight answer. By this time, we’d had our first child and it was clear that I must stay committed and do my best with this (I realize now) narcissistic personality-disordered person. And I did. I gave it my best…every…single…day. But it was never enough. I was only met with sour attitudes, put-downs and a general sense of dread. The air was always thick with her contempt for me.

Most days were filled with silent treatments and punishments…for what, I don’t know. I was always compared to others that were supposedly “better” than me. She reserved her kindness and manners for anyone that wasn’t me or my friends. Later, all of my friends (but one) said she used to give them snotty looks when I wasn’t looking. I guess this was her attempt to isolate me from people who cared about me. And she was successful to some extent. On this note I would like to describe meeting new people that she already knew. Almost without exception, if I were introduced (which was rare) to someone she already knew, they would be very cool and stand-offish. I realize now this is what’s referred to as a smear campaign. I also know it happened the whole time I was with her. I just couldn’t get it until much later. I will never know what was said about me, but it is clear it was not good. I had a reputation that preceded me wherever she’d gone first. Playing the victim is very powerful. She had this down to a “t”.

Lies, deception, put-downs, veiled threats and emotional terrorism. This is what I lived through and with for nearly twenty years. I did not know better at the time. I thought eventually she would be happy. But, being happy never works for the narcissist. It doesn’t fit the script. But a dead husband with a life insurance policy does. Not only would she benefit financially, but just think of all the sympathy she would get! Oh, that poor woman. Her husband has died. Now her bank account is fat and her lover had to take over to help with the estate. Poor, poor little waif. And he was so young!

But I ruined the plan. I did not die. I don’t know if she ran out of poison or just gave up. To this day, I have a briefcase full of evidence that investigators do not want to see. I pity the poor fellow she is with now. I would tell him, but he wouldn’t believe me. Like everyone else the narcissist knows, he has been co-opted into her drama. Besides, I would merely be a jilted ex-husband who just needs to “get over it”.

Towards the end of the divorce, I had not even a chance to know what I had done wrong. What did I do to deserve this kind of treatment? She never told me except to say, “I didn’t tell, and now it’s too late!” Crazy thinking. She did tell me that she wanted to “drive with the windows down and the radio loud” and that was why she was tearing everything I worked so hard for to shreds.

Maybe in her shallow mind that was reason enough.

Who cares what anyone else wants? Who cares if they don’t fit the narcissist’s drama? I can tell you; the end began when I started asking for something…anything. A kind word. A thank you. Anything. I began to “wake up” and started seeing her for the monster she is. Then I became obsolete in her world. It was time to take everything she could from me. That was her cue. I was on to her.

Very strange, how she treated me at the end. As if she were mailing an envelope, or making a phone call. Just business. No emotion whatsoever, as she went about destroying everything that meant anything to me.

Thank God I finally woke up.

It does get better. Today I don’t have nearly the panic attacks I once had. I am virtually “no contact” with her and some of the other people in my life, who I now recognize as personality disordered. I am thankful that I have the rest of my life to be happy and away from such evil…and make no mistake, narcissists are evil. They will chew up your soul if you let them.

Today I have no intention of letting anyone do anything like that ever again. I am sane. I am clear. I am whole.

Please share,

Anonymous.

https://kimsaeed.com/2015/05/08/in-his-words-a-poisonous-relationship-a-story-of-betrayal-and-death/

The Covert Narcissist:

By Anne McCrea

November 20, 2019

The Minds Journal

Most of us know what a narcissist looks like. We have seen them portrayed in movies and books as the manipulative, attractive man or woman who think and act like they are better than others. But not all narcissists are like this.

Covert narcissists are dangerous people who know how to hide their narcissistic traits in public and raise hell by controlling and manipulating your life in private.

“Covert narcissists are masters of disguise—successful actors, humanitarians, politicians, clergy members, and even psychotherapists—who are beloved and appreciated, but are secretly selfish, calculating, controlling, angry, and vindictive.”

– Ross Rosenberg.

No one would believe that the man who sits in church with his family every Sunday, is a monster behind closed doors with the family that looks so perfect on the outside.

No one would believe that the ‘doting’ mother cheering on her child in the school gala, had been yelling and belittling her daughter minutes beforehand.

Who would believe that the friendly local grocer who chats happily with his customers has been giving his wife the silent treatment and not acknowledged her existence in weeks?

Who would believe that the lovely charming ‘lady’ at the top of her profession, trampled on anyone who stood in her way on her rise to the top.

The closet narcissist is a great pretender, hiding who they really are with the expertise.

The covert narcissist puts on such a convincing display of being a loving, kind person in public but to those who know them personally, to those closest to them, they are selfish, manipulative, exploitive and anything but the loving and kind person that they purport to be. They know that if they displayed their true colors in public, they would lose the recognition, respect, and admiration that they so desperately crave. Perhaps their ability to fool the outside world makes this type of personality one of the most dangerous. They worry about being found out. They are deeply envious knowing that they can never be the person that others believe them to be.

The covert narcissist is a con artist who lacks the confidence of the overt narcissist. They need constant attention moving from one relationship to another in order to avoid being alone. Time spent alone often leads to depression when their needs are not being met. Narcissistic supply is vital to their well-being.

Your value in the narcissist’s life will depend on your usefulness. When you are no longer regarded as useful or you challenge them about who they really are, you will be cast aside without a second thought as if you never existed. Your reputation will have been discredited so that you will never be believed.

Scott Barry Kaufman (Psychologist) explains…

“While the overt narcissists tended to be aggressive, self-aggrandizing, exploitative, and have extreme delusions of grandeur and a need for attention, covert narcissists were more prone to feelings of neglect or belittlement, hypersensitivity, anxiety, and delusions of persecution.”

The traits of the overt narcissist can be obvious often being displayed quite openly but in contrast, the traits of the covert narcissist can be very difficult to spot. Below are some signs that you may be dealing with a covert narcissist…

1.     Always plays the victim wanting your sympathy

2.     Quiet Smugness/Superiority

3.     Self-absorbed

4.     Extreme selfishness

5.     Constant craving for acknowledgment

6.     Passive-aggressive

7.     Judgemental and critical

8.     Lacks empathy

9.     Highly sensitive being unable to handle criticism

10. Difficulties with relationships

11. Gets bored easily

12. Switches off rather than listen intently to others

It can be difficult not to get sucked into a narcissist’s web of deceit and feel sorry for them when they play the victim card. The narcissist is looking for a reaction from you. Don’t feed the monster! When they fail to get their desired reaction from you, they will take a step back and look for their supply elsewhere. Be aware of the traits before it’s too late and don’t let yourself be controlled by someone whose ultimate goal is to control not only your mind but your life.

“Covert Narcissists, like professional actors, are talented at pretending to be someone they are not. If people could see behind their charming and likable “masks” they wouldn’t be able to steal, exploit and manipulate their unsuspecting victims.”

– Ross Rosenberg.

Getting yourself free from the evil clutches of the covert narcissist can be very difficult as it will take you a lot of time to realize what they truly are: monsters in disguise. They will drain you emotionally, mentally and physically and they will not let you even after they find a new target.

They may seem to support and help you, but they are only tricking you into believing that they want the best for you. When in reality all they want is to control you and your life, until and unless you walk away.

From: Narcissistic & Emotional Abuse: Shattering the Illusion, by Anne McCrea.

Available on Amazon.

https://themindsjournal.com/the-covert-narcissist/

In support of Narcissistic Abuse awareness and recovery:

June 1st is World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day (WNAAD).

Recommended websites for research and recovery:

http://www.wnaad.com/

http://flyingmonkeysdenied.com/

http://www.innerintegration.com/

http://www.drgeorgesimon.com/

https://kimsaeed.com/

https://www.psychopathfree.com/

https://eclecticalu.blogspot.com/

http://www.doctor-ramani.com/

https://micheleleenieves.com/

https://www.thriveafterabuse.com/

Twitter hashtags:

#AbuseByProxy #Adultery #AgainstBullying #BackStabbers #ClusterB #CPTSD #Enablers #FlirtingIsCheating #FlyingMonkeys #Gaslighting #HealingFromCPTSD #IAmEnough #IAmStillStanding #IfMyWoundsWereVisible #Infidelity #MicroAggression #NarcissisticAbuse #Narcissism #Narcissist #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #NarcissisticSupply #Psychopath #PsychopathFree #SmearCampaign #Sociopath #ThrivingAfterNarcissisticAbuse #TwoFaced #WNAAD

The Narcissistic Conspiracy: Scapegoating, Smear Campaigns And Black Sheep – How Narcissistic Groups Bully Their Chosen Victims:

By Shahida Arabi

October 5, 2018

When we speak about narcissism, we often focus on the individual. He or she is narcissistic. He or she is a victim of a narcissist. Yet what about those victims who are bullied and targeted by groups filled with narcissistic individuals or in a group where the narcissistic pack leader has toxic enablers? What happens when there is a conspiracy led by an entire group against one individual?

Contrary to popular belief, narcissism can and does run in group dynamics too – it just plays out on an even more massive and destructive scale. Rather than one partner abusing another, there is an entire group working to undermine and plot against a chosen target.

This is especially harmful to any chosen victim because research shows that social rejection activates the same areas of the brain as physical pain (Kross, et. al 2011). Theoretically, being emotionally abused by a manipulative group can be at times just as painful as being physically assaulted.

The frontrunners of such a group use enablers or what is colloquially termed “flying monkeys” to ensure that the recipients of such bullying are properly silenced (Stines, 2017). This is also known as “mobbing,” where a toxic individual enlists the help of others to carry out his or her vicious campaign and dirty work against another individual (Duffy, 2013).

We see this unhealthy, abusive dynamic play out within the realm of the narcissistic family unit, friendship circles, workplaces and anywhere there is a possibility for bullying. This form of conspiracy may not be technically “illegal,” but it poses great harm to those who are targeted. The target suffers through unbelievable emotional, verbal, perhaps even physical abuse at the hands of the toxic group, who uses them as a scapegoat for the group’s problems and deviant desires.

Therapist Christine Hammond (2017) writes that:

“The purpose of a scapegoat is to pass responsibility onto someone else. Usually this person is unsuspecting at first and agrees because they are trying to get along with others. This technique of passing the buck is very common with narcissists, sociopaths, and addicts. Narcissists can’t allow their ego to be tarnished by an error. Sociopaths do it for the sport of it.”

For an excellent example of how a narcissistic group dynamic can undermine and scapegoat one individual, one needs to look no farther than the devastating bullying Today Show co-host Ann Curry suffered under the reign of Matt Lauer (who has now been exposed as a sexual predator) and her colleagues back in 2011.

According to Vulture, executive producer Jim Bell reportedly launched what was known as “Operation Bambi,” a mission to eradicate Curry from the team, early on in her employment (he denies this, of course). She was subjected to not only Lauer’s mistreatment but also exclusion, taunting and bullying by her other colleagues as a result. In 2012, a clearly traumatized Curry was forced to leave the show in a highly televised exit despite the fact that she was, and remains today, a highly talented, empathic and one-of-a-kind journalist. In fact, NBC lost more than a fifth of its audience after her departure.

This example illustrates something deeply important: groups with one or more sociopaths do not target people who are incompetent. On the contrary, they target those who threaten the status quo in some way.

Curry represented the type of conscientious, empathic and sincere person that juxtaposed Lauer’s own predatory personality and threatened the group dynamic of keeping toxic behavior under the wraps. Since the corporate world tends to favor and promote sociopathic individuals, they chose Lauer’s preferences over Curry’s potential and incredible abilities to connect with her viewers in a deeply compassionate way.

To make the conspiracy all the more effective, the victim is further silenced by what makes them so special in the first place – their ability to be discerning, their sensitive nature, their compassion, is used to paint them as unhinged should they dare speak out. The victim’s own wounds are played with. The narcissistic group feeds upon the victim’s insecurities and vulnerabilities to ensure that the victim feels too powerless to complain or take action. They identify the wounds and weaknesses of the target. They also use the target’s strengths against him or her.

They emotionally blackmail their targets. They exhaust their targets. They gaslight their targets into believing that the abuse isn’t occurring. And ultimately, they bully them into contributing to the group’s deviant agenda.

The manipulative leaders of narcissistic conspiracies find ways to covertly abuse the victim so they can escape accountability for their actions. The victim is made to feel like and look like the “crazy” one – and everyone is able to avoid individual responsibility for inflicting harm and participating in the conspiracy.

In all narcissistic “conspiracies,” this scapegoat is a “black sheep” who is treated like an outsider of the group. This chosen black sheep is then terrorized, taunted, excluded, persecuted and becomes the site of many projections or unfair blame for the mistakes of the narcissistic group. The group has no problem using the victim to advance their agenda or add to their resources, but they fail to recognize or reward the efforts of that individual in a fair way. In fact, the harder the scapegoat works to win the approval of the group, the more the scapegoat is persecuted.

Since the group is usually led by one or more narcissistic or sociopathic individuals, very little mercy or empathy is given to the victim. The victim suffers emotional terrorism at the hands of ruthless individuals who prey on his or her vulnerabilities and weaknesses. Narcissists and sociopaths usually choose those they are envious of and threatened by. These victims are exploited for their strengths, but demeaned, teased and made to feel like outsiders, just as Curry was. The alienation takes a toll on victims of group bullying, as they may isolate themselves even more just to avoid further persecution.

How And Why Is The Victim Chosen?

The target that is chosen to be bullied and ostracized from the group is one that is threatening in some way. It could be because they threaten the narcissistic leaders or enablers in their intelligence, appearance, resources, determination, ambition, social aptitude, wealth, independence – or whatever other quality that evokes their envy or fear.

In the dynamics of a family with one or more narcissistic individuals as caregivers, the scapegoat is the child or children who are most devalued and demeaned, made to feel less than. These children are often outspoken, sensitive, empathic and have integrity. They present a threat to the existing dysfunction of the toxic family unit, so they are inevitably punished. They are pitted against the “golden children” (children who are excessively overvalued and spoiled in exchange for their blind obedience) and triangulated so that there is a sense of competition, distrust and supreme allegiance to the narcissistic parent or parents in the household.

In a group that is not familial, such as friendship circles or the workplace, the chosen victim is usually someone new to the group or a long-standing member who “dares” to question the authority of the narcissists or sociopaths within that group and is thus excommunicated.

These victims may at first be idealized and love-bombed. They are subjected to praise, laser-focused attention, gifts and false promises to lure them into the group. They are “groomed” to feel like a part of the group, which often has many cult-like qualities which discourage dissent and discussion.

There are implicit rules to never unmask the toxicity of the group or its decisions. Questions are always met with ambiguous or vague answers or outright reprimands and punishment. The victim’s duty is to keep quiet, remain a scapegoat and not make a fuss about carrying out dirty work for the group.

So long as the victim abides by these silent rules, they win temporary safety through their obedience. The authority of the narcissistic members of the group is upholded as the final say, regardless of fairness or equity. As soon as the victim starts to question the dynamics of the group, however, or the group feels like the new victim might potentially “overthrow” the hierarchy in some way, the victim is then “put back” in his or her place.

They may be publicly humiliated in front of other members of the group, they may be dismissed, they may be shut down and stonewalled. They may have an ongoing smear campaign against them by the leaders or enablers of those leaders regarding their character, stability and ability to be within the group. It is easy to make the victims of group bullying seem like the unhinged ones – the most abusive people, the leaders of the group, work hard to drive their targets over the edge and push all of their emotional buttons.

Groupthink and The Bystander Effect:

Not all group members of the cult-like conspiracy are unempathic, but when they participate in enabling behavior, it creates a collective consciousness, what psychologists call “groupthink” in which a narcissistic unit works together to render the victim powerless enough so that the victim either feels unable to exit or even becomes “trauma-bonded” in some way to the group as a way to survive (Rosenblum, 1982). Those who see the victims being bullied and yet fail to do anything about it usually encounter what it known as “The Bystander Effect,” in which individuals feel as if they don’t have to intervene, especially as the group gets larger, because personal accountability is diminished (Hortensius & Gelder, 2014).

The chosen target usually has empathy, resilience and is authentic in their integrity. They are agreeable, kind and conscientious to a fault, which makes them ideal prey for sociopathic predators. They are open and willing to consider other perspectives, so they are taken advantage of easily by narcissistic leaders and their enablers. This is very threatening to a group that works best without integrity or fairness. These are all qualities narcissists look for to ensnare their victims, but of course, most narcissistic groups realize that such qualities also make these victims powerful as well. Truth-tellers are commonly scapegoated in groups where there is toxicity brimming beneath the surface.

The target fulfills the following roles:

As a convenient scapegoat. They take the blame for any errors or mistakes the narcissistic group or leaders don’t want to be held accountable for.

They become the outlet for any projections, rage, dissatisfaction that the group wants to dump on them.

A target for an ongoing smear campaign in which the narcissistic individuals involved spread rumors, gossip and misinformation to make you look like a “troublemaker.” This ensures that other group members also fear calling out the toxic dynamics of the group because they don’t wish to be associated with you or your “antics.”

To obscure the truth and further the group’s selfish agenda, whatever that might be.

They stroke the narcissist’s ego – they are made to feel diminished so that the narcissists in the group feel superior. It feels especially gratifying for them to take down a person who is more successful and well-liked (at least initially before scapegoating begins) than they are.

They are used to strengthen closer alliances among the already existing cliques in the group. Membership in the group is emphasized and seen as exclusive and coveted because there are “outsiders” who can’t get in.

If you are a victim of scapegoating or a black sheep, take heart. You were chosen because you have the qualities that narcissists lack. You were chosen because you were threatening. You were chosen because you were powerful. They saw that power in you, and they wanted to take it away.

Though it appears now that wolves in sheep’s clothing rule the world, it is actually scapegoats who have the power and ability to lead others – authentically.

When the black sheep finds community, validation and resources to help them thrive after the experiences of being persecuted and alienated, they reconnect with the amazing qualities that made them a target in the first place. Rest assured that karma does come for those who conspired against them – and predators like Lauer are always eventually exposed in due time.

Scapegoats can and will rise above the conspiracy – and they can grow stronger in spite of it.

References:

Duffy, M. & Sperry, L. (2013). Overcoming Mobbing: A Recovery Guide for Workplace Aggression and Bullying. USA: Oxford University Press.

Hammond, C. (2017, August 24). How not to be a scapegoat. Psych Central. Retrieved March 22, 2018.

Hortensius, R., & Gelder, B. D. (2014). The neural basis of the bystander effect. The influence of group size on neural activity when witnessing an emergency. NeuroImage, 93, 53-58. doi:10.1016/j.neuroimage.2014.02.025

Kross, E., Berman, M. G., Mischel, W., Smith, E. E., & Wager, T. D. (2011). Social rejection shares somatosensory representations with physical pain. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 108(15), 6270-6275. doi:10.1073/pnas.1102693108

Rosenblum, E. H. (1982). Groupthink: One peril of group cohesiveness. JONA: The Journal of Nursing Administration, 12(4). doi:10.1097/00005110-198204000-00007

Stines, S. (2017, May 17). The Narcissist’s Fan Club (aka Flying Monkeys). Psych Central. Retrieved March 22, 2018.

Shahida Arabi is the author of Power: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse.

https://thoughtcatalog.com/shahida-arabi/2018/03/the-narcissistic-conspiracy-scapegoating-smear-campaigns-and-black-sheep-how-narcissistic-groups-bully-their-chosen-victims/

In support of Narcissistic Abuse awareness and recovery.

June 1st is World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day (WNAAD).

Recommended websites for research and recovery:

http://www.wnaad.com/

http://flyingmonkeysdenied.com/

http://www.innerintegration.com/

http://www.drgeorgesimon.com/

https://kimsaeed.com/

https://www.psychopathfree.com/

https://eclecticalu.blogspot.com/

https://micheleleenieves.com/

https://www.thriveafterabuse.com/

Twitter hashtags:

#AbuseByProxy #Adultery #AgainstBullying #BackStabbers #ClusterB #CPTSD #Enablers #FlirtingIsCheating #FlyingMonkeys #Gaslighting #HealingFromCPTSD #IAmEnough #IAmStillStanding #IfMyWoundsWereVisible #Infidelity #MicroAggression #NarcissisticAbuse #Narcissism #Narcissist #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #NarcissisticSupply #Psychopath #PsychopathFree #SmearCampaign #Sociopath #ThrivingAfterNarcissisticAbuse #TwoFaced #WNAAD